Thursday, December 1, 2011
I'm sure I have been more naughty then nice
But, I will still ask and see what happens! So Santa, you decide!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
screw you all!
My Thanksgiving this year will be a little different, I will be spending it with My Guy's friends, in a way I am not really excited about it, but not that I would have a better time with my own family! You see from the time I met his friends they have not really been the most open arms kind of people; I'm not looking to be best friends with this these people but I would like to feel welcome, and I don't! My Guy says that if we hung out more with them so they could get to know me better they would be more open and then like me..........well I that's a bunch of bull shit, I mean really, you either like someone or you don't when you meet them, so there for they don't like me! Also my I add that the women in his group of friends have really not been welcoming the way I think they should, they talk Slovak around me or in front of, they will sit in a group together, never inviting me over to join in the conversation.....I mean why would they, they are not speaking English!
All of them have children and I find it soooooo odd that they never share their child with anyone, I'm used to people asking "would you like to hold her/him?" and would it really take 5 min out of your life to brush and put clean looking cloths on your child, really, really! I'm sure I have no right to say any of these things because I'm not married, I don't have children, bla bla bla, well I have taken care of kids for a while now and it really does not take a lot of time to put clean looking cloths and brush the kids hair, it really doesn't!
I know these people will be in my life in some way for a very long time and for as long as they show that they have no real interest in making me feel welcome, I will continue to bad mouth them! Just like they also like to bad mouth my country, funny how they all want that green card but will turn around and say America sucks, well go the fuck back to your country! Is America perfect, fuck no, yes we have problems, what sate or country doesn't, but I am very proud and lucky to be an American and will not tolerate non Americans to bad mouth MY country!
I want to say that I have tried to start converstation I have offerd my help, I am freindly when I come over, I have put my hand out, I have done my part and now I give up, fuck it!
All of them have children and I find it soooooo odd that they never share their child with anyone, I'm used to people asking "would you like to hold her/him?" and would it really take 5 min out of your life to brush and put clean looking cloths on your child, really, really! I'm sure I have no right to say any of these things because I'm not married, I don't have children, bla bla bla, well I have taken care of kids for a while now and it really does not take a lot of time to put clean looking cloths and brush the kids hair, it really doesn't!
I know these people will be in my life in some way for a very long time and for as long as they show that they have no real interest in making me feel welcome, I will continue to bad mouth them! Just like they also like to bad mouth my country, funny how they all want that green card but will turn around and say America sucks, well go the fuck back to your country! Is America perfect, fuck no, yes we have problems, what sate or country doesn't, but I am very proud and lucky to be an American and will not tolerate non Americans to bad mouth MY country!
I want to say that I have tried to start converstation I have offerd my help, I am freindly when I come over, I have put my hand out, I have done my part and now I give up, fuck it!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Deeper than chap-stick
Last night My Guy stopped by to pick up his wallet because he had forgot it in my purse and so did I till 10pm Sunday night. I was in the living room when he came over and he asked me if his wallet was in my room I said "yes as well with your coffee cup". I have to tell you a little back story first before I finish this story.
In 7th grade their was a girl in my class named Kelly, for whatever reason she didn't like me very much but at the same time tried very hard to be my friend. One day I invited her over with a bunch of other girls from my class to my house, at the time I had this lipstick that I just LOVED, and would put jut a little bit on my lips because I never wanted to use too much for it would run out. All of us girls went to the mall and then later that day came back home, the Mom's came and picked up the girls to go home. That evening I was in my room and noticed that my lipstick was gone! I looked everywhere for it and could not find it, I was very upset.
On Monday I had told the girls who had came over that my favorite lipstick was gone and how upset I was, later that day I found it in the pocket of my jacket, I thought it was really strange, my best friend at the time said she had seen Kelly put it in my jacket. Word had gotten around school that Kelly steals and bla bla bla, I didn't make a big deal about it but I didn't get why she would do that to me. So later that evening Kelly called my house crying and saying she was so sorry and so embarrassed that she took my lipstick. I expected her apology but asked her why she did it, she said that it is a bad habit she has and she has stolen a lot worse things and has gotten in lots of trouble with her parents for it, she doesn't really know why she does it. I'm not saying that from then on I have been wary of people I don't know very well in my room, but it has in a way. I am very protective and possessive of my room, I don't even like it when people come in and look all around it makes me nervous; it drive me crazy when people take things my room and don't ask or let me know! My room is apart of me, it is my safe place, all of favorite things are here, everything has a place and I know where everything is.
Back to my story, when I'm not using my purse I like to take my wallet, hand lotion, chap-stick, make-up bag, key's and clipper card out and lay them on my desk or bench, for some reason My Guy felt that my chap-stick was his so he took it without asking. I noticed that my chap-stick was gone after he had left and I asked him over G-chat, he said yes he took it, he had a feeling it was his. I was a little bit upset because 1. he took something from my room without asking, 2. this is the guy who has 3 chap-sticks already, and 3. was it really hard for him to say something to me??? "oh hey, is that chap-stick on your bench mine or yours".....so easy! He said how will I deal when we live together and I said I will have an area of my own that will be all mine and I will be fine with that.
It's not about the chap-stick I think he didn't get, it was that he was in my room by himself, took something that was mine and never said anything to me. I didn't sleep well last night, the thought of what he did really bothered me, it made me feel naked .This is an issue of mine, it might be a silly one but it's my thing. Please just ask me if you want to barrow or have something of mine, it will end up a lot better.
In 7th grade their was a girl in my class named Kelly, for whatever reason she didn't like me very much but at the same time tried very hard to be my friend. One day I invited her over with a bunch of other girls from my class to my house, at the time I had this lipstick that I just LOVED, and would put jut a little bit on my lips because I never wanted to use too much for it would run out. All of us girls went to the mall and then later that day came back home, the Mom's came and picked up the girls to go home. That evening I was in my room and noticed that my lipstick was gone! I looked everywhere for it and could not find it, I was very upset.
On Monday I had told the girls who had came over that my favorite lipstick was gone and how upset I was, later that day I found it in the pocket of my jacket, I thought it was really strange, my best friend at the time said she had seen Kelly put it in my jacket. Word had gotten around school that Kelly steals and bla bla bla, I didn't make a big deal about it but I didn't get why she would do that to me. So later that evening Kelly called my house crying and saying she was so sorry and so embarrassed that she took my lipstick. I expected her apology but asked her why she did it, she said that it is a bad habit she has and she has stolen a lot worse things and has gotten in lots of trouble with her parents for it, she doesn't really know why she does it. I'm not saying that from then on I have been wary of people I don't know very well in my room, but it has in a way. I am very protective and possessive of my room, I don't even like it when people come in and look all around it makes me nervous; it drive me crazy when people take things my room and don't ask or let me know! My room is apart of me, it is my safe place, all of favorite things are here, everything has a place and I know where everything is.
Back to my story, when I'm not using my purse I like to take my wallet, hand lotion, chap-stick, make-up bag, key's and clipper card out and lay them on my desk or bench, for some reason My Guy felt that my chap-stick was his so he took it without asking. I noticed that my chap-stick was gone after he had left and I asked him over G-chat, he said yes he took it, he had a feeling it was his. I was a little bit upset because 1. he took something from my room without asking, 2. this is the guy who has 3 chap-sticks already, and 3. was it really hard for him to say something to me??? "oh hey, is that chap-stick on your bench mine or yours".....so easy! He said how will I deal when we live together and I said I will have an area of my own that will be all mine and I will be fine with that.
It's not about the chap-stick I think he didn't get, it was that he was in my room by himself, took something that was mine and never said anything to me. I didn't sleep well last night, the thought of what he did really bothered me, it made me feel naked .This is an issue of mine, it might be a silly one but it's my thing. Please just ask me if you want to barrow or have something of mine, it will end up a lot better.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
It will happen.....someday, I'll make sure of it!
As my dream to become an inter designer will never happen....(because I don't think I have what it takes in a professional's eyes)another dream of mine would be to have created this awesome space or many rooms and then be featured in a design magazine....I think the inter-web will have to do AND I am SO OKAY with this!!! It would be like Vogue to me. Anyways, I stumbled across this website and I like that it allows you to submit pictures of your place or a few rooms of your house and then if they like what you got then you get a pro photographer to come in and then you are featured!
The site
A few pic's,
Kate & Mark's Mission Statement
Jeremy & Anna;s Lots of Light
Laura and Zev' Bold Colors
Praveen's Innovative and Playful Home
What I really like about this site is that not everyone's place is right out of a magazine, and not everyone's place is in some posh part of the city. These are real people expressing and sharing their craft; it's inspiring and beautiful!
The site
A few pic's,
Kate & Mark's Mission Statement
Jeremy & Anna;s Lots of Light
Laura and Zev' Bold Colors
Praveen's Innovative and Playful Home
What I really like about this site is that not everyone's place is right out of a magazine, and not everyone's place is in some posh part of the city. These are real people expressing and sharing their craft; it's inspiring and beautiful!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Lost
I don't remember when I walked into the dark forest but I just realized I am lost and I want to be found now.
I don't remember the last time I felt sexy or pretty. I am lifeless, sexless, not me.
How can I fix this?
I can only take one day at a time, I can only give my best...and I'm sorry if it's not good enough or what you want. I don't always understand everything. I am a zombie.
I am so jaded, I am so insecure, I'm sure it's not okay to have the feeling that I don't see my chip ever falling off my shoulder.
Find me, guide me with your hand and flashlight.
Sorry.
I don't remember the last time I felt sexy or pretty. I am lifeless, sexless, not me.
How can I fix this?
I can only take one day at a time, I can only give my best...and I'm sorry if it's not good enough or what you want. I don't always understand everything. I am a zombie.
I am so jaded, I am so insecure, I'm sure it's not okay to have the feeling that I don't see my chip ever falling off my shoulder.
Find me, guide me with your hand and flashlight.
Sorry.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Beyond the battle with the fog!
I am grumpy, I am a grumpy, grumpy person and I think I have been all my life. I also think I have been more grumpy being that I have not seen the sun in like a month....maybe even more!!!! I'm so desperate I would even go to Burning Man.....and that is saying a lot!!! Fuck this fog!!!
One day I was at a family event, the event was being held at this public park and all the cousins (older then I) seemed to want to eat at this table that was on this hill, I always wanted to hang out with the older kids, and I remember I had a plate full of cherry tomatoes and mozzarella squares....I'm sure I had other food but this is all I can remember (I might have been 7years old) I remember trying to climb up this dirt hill to the table holding my paper plate in one hand and trying to use my other hand to grab the ground to make it up this steep hill. I wasn't going well, the sandals I had on did not have a good grip to the ground and I remember calling for help and watching my lunch fall off my plate and roll to the bottom of the hill. Some of them looked at me, some of them laughed at me and some of them ignored me. I don't know if someone ended up helping me but I remember feeling so frustrated, embarrassed and pissed!
I have a hard time thinking of a lot of happy times in my life, the bad out ways the good, and being that I feel I am a grumpy person I think a lot about the bad. The good has started to come around more scene I have met My Guy but when the good comes sometimes I feel guilty, I also feel guilty for having him in my life.....hell I feel sometimes I should just be alone for the rest of my life!
I hate questions from other people, I hate it! I feel harassed, picked on, invaded. Even simple questions, I know it's awful but it's me.
I have never agreed with suicide but I read this Hollywood article last week of this guy killing himself because all of this dirty laundry was exposed and he was also in serious debt. I have always felt that God gave you this life and he is the only one to take you out of it, but I also understand when things get to be too much for someone, when life has not really worked out the way you hoped for or you just don't see the light down the tunnel happening any time soon, I get why someone want's to say good bye to life.
I am not an easy person sometimes to be with I am not an easy person with myself! There has been a battle going on for so long that I'm not sure it will even end.
I don't know what this blog is about, but I obviously had some things on my mind.
One day I was at a family event, the event was being held at this public park and all the cousins (older then I) seemed to want to eat at this table that was on this hill, I always wanted to hang out with the older kids, and I remember I had a plate full of cherry tomatoes and mozzarella squares....I'm sure I had other food but this is all I can remember (I might have been 7years old) I remember trying to climb up this dirt hill to the table holding my paper plate in one hand and trying to use my other hand to grab the ground to make it up this steep hill. I wasn't going well, the sandals I had on did not have a good grip to the ground and I remember calling for help and watching my lunch fall off my plate and roll to the bottom of the hill. Some of them looked at me, some of them laughed at me and some of them ignored me. I don't know if someone ended up helping me but I remember feeling so frustrated, embarrassed and pissed!
I have a hard time thinking of a lot of happy times in my life, the bad out ways the good, and being that I feel I am a grumpy person I think a lot about the bad. The good has started to come around more scene I have met My Guy but when the good comes sometimes I feel guilty, I also feel guilty for having him in my life.....hell I feel sometimes I should just be alone for the rest of my life!
I hate questions from other people, I hate it! I feel harassed, picked on, invaded. Even simple questions, I know it's awful but it's me.
I have never agreed with suicide but I read this Hollywood article last week of this guy killing himself because all of this dirty laundry was exposed and he was also in serious debt. I have always felt that God gave you this life and he is the only one to take you out of it, but I also understand when things get to be too much for someone, when life has not really worked out the way you hoped for or you just don't see the light down the tunnel happening any time soon, I get why someone want's to say good bye to life.
I am not an easy person sometimes to be with I am not an easy person with myself! There has been a battle going on for so long that I'm not sure it will even end.
I don't know what this blog is about, but I obviously had some things on my mind.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Chop Liver
Do you ever feel like chop liver sometimes? I do and have for some time now, but what can you do about it, if you say something it might come off as whining, so it's just better to sit back and smell like liver...or you can blog about it!
When I went to Europe to meet My Guy's family we staid with one of My Guy's friend, she was the nicest girl I think I had ever meet and I was really sad to say good bye to her, she was to me the ideal friend that I had always wanted...she thought about me, we thought about each other! We could really talk about things and we listened to each other and were interested in what we both had to say. Last week a different friend of My Guy came to visit SF, he knew her from a summer camp he had worked at, I had only met her when I was in Europe a few months back for just a few hours and she seemed nice so I was looking forward to meeting her again to her visit to SF! My only complaint was that she was a chatty Kathy, this girl could talk!!!! But besides that we got along very well, I played host and tour guide we girl talked it up, and she even got me a birthday present.....she didn't even really know me!!!! I was a little sad to say good bye to her as well because again the time spent with her was something I wish I could have all the time in SF.
I think I have always had bad luck, or I am just too nice and too sensitive, or maybe too needy, who knows but theses two girls showed me that my dream was made into a reality even if it was a for a few day's or 2 weeks! Is it wrong to want something so simple? The last 24 hours I have been thinking that maybe friendships are treated and thought about differently in Europe then in America, but then again I'm not sure because I was friends with a girl from Italy and she was a bitch to me. Maybe it was just these girls, maybe....it will be something I will remember and think about forever and I will never stop yearning for it!
Till then, I will be chop liver!
When I went to Europe to meet My Guy's family we staid with one of My Guy's friend, she was the nicest girl I think I had ever meet and I was really sad to say good bye to her, she was to me the ideal friend that I had always wanted...she thought about me, we thought about each other! We could really talk about things and we listened to each other and were interested in what we both had to say. Last week a different friend of My Guy came to visit SF, he knew her from a summer camp he had worked at, I had only met her when I was in Europe a few months back for just a few hours and she seemed nice so I was looking forward to meeting her again to her visit to SF! My only complaint was that she was a chatty Kathy, this girl could talk!!!! But besides that we got along very well, I played host and tour guide we girl talked it up, and she even got me a birthday present.....she didn't even really know me!!!! I was a little sad to say good bye to her as well because again the time spent with her was something I wish I could have all the time in SF.
I think I have always had bad luck, or I am just too nice and too sensitive, or maybe too needy, who knows but theses two girls showed me that my dream was made into a reality even if it was a for a few day's or 2 weeks! Is it wrong to want something so simple? The last 24 hours I have been thinking that maybe friendships are treated and thought about differently in Europe then in America, but then again I'm not sure because I was friends with a girl from Italy and she was a bitch to me. Maybe it was just these girls, maybe....it will be something I will remember and think about forever and I will never stop yearning for it!
Till then, I will be chop liver!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
past excitement
When you realize you have outgrown something its hard to deal with it, it has always been for me. I make myself ignore that it really is going to be this way from now on, my feelings are different, no excitement anymore, i'm sad now.
I was thinking about my hair yesterday when I got off the bus to walk home from work, I remember when I had highlights and I was always cutting it short, I didn't really care, it was all about me, having fun and now when I look at my hair I see a responsibility and a "look" i need to keep up, if it wasn't lesbo/cult/would be very cold look I would just save it off.
Last night when I came home, I did some reading and then.....I was board, I wanted to do something, I dont know if I wanted to go out, it was Tue, my show is on Tue night. I was thinking about the girls I had as friends in 7-8th grade we would talk on the phone for hours about god know's what, I wish i had some of that last night, just a good girl gab. I don't remember the last time I had some gab.
I'm angry, I'm angry with myself, with some people in my life, my life, with some family. I feel I have ruined things and it will never be able to be fixed. You can't run away from your problems but I have been thinking this, but I can't I'm bad with managing money on my own and I dont like to be by myself in places I dont know enough about.
I miss some of my past and I miss excitement.
I was thinking about my hair yesterday when I got off the bus to walk home from work, I remember when I had highlights and I was always cutting it short, I didn't really care, it was all about me, having fun and now when I look at my hair I see a responsibility and a "look" i need to keep up, if it wasn't lesbo/cult/would be very cold look I would just save it off.
Last night when I came home, I did some reading and then.....I was board, I wanted to do something, I dont know if I wanted to go out, it was Tue, my show is on Tue night. I was thinking about the girls I had as friends in 7-8th grade we would talk on the phone for hours about god know's what, I wish i had some of that last night, just a good girl gab. I don't remember the last time I had some gab.
I'm angry, I'm angry with myself, with some people in my life, my life, with some family. I feel I have ruined things and it will never be able to be fixed. You can't run away from your problems but I have been thinking this, but I can't I'm bad with managing money on my own and I dont like to be by myself in places I dont know enough about.
I miss some of my past and I miss excitement.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Laundry list
Punch someone
2 back teeth bleeding
Drama weekends
Boring
Wants to be alone
Issues
Acne in your 20's
Who the fuck cares
Dresses
Am I crazy?
Crows
Pastrami
Is this real?
It needs to be clean
Nail polish
Don't touch me
Fog and Sun
If I moved out of SF
Blue eye's
Waxing
French fry's
Remembering
28
Vagina
I don't get it
Defected
Dairygen
High heels
Decorating
Fuck this life
Would like to say "fuck you"
Volkswagen
Scared
Sorry
Fake
Crying
Future
Losing
Used to wear lipstick
Un-traditional
Mother
Laughing
Reading
People
Day dreaming
Sleeping
Being on time
Don't go
It's too much
Music
Fashion blogs
Overwhelmed
Missing out
Drunk
What if's
2 back teeth bleeding
Drama weekends
Boring
Wants to be alone
Issues
Acne in your 20's
Who the fuck cares
Dresses
Am I crazy?
Crows
Pastrami
Is this real?
It needs to be clean
Nail polish
Don't touch me
Fog and Sun
If I moved out of SF
Blue eye's
Waxing
French fry's
Remembering
28
Vagina
I don't get it
Defected
Dairygen
High heels
Decorating
Fuck this life
Would like to say "fuck you"
Volkswagen
Scared
Sorry
Fake
Crying
Future
Losing
Used to wear lipstick
Un-traditional
Mother
Laughing
Reading
People
Day dreaming
Sleeping
Being on time
Don't go
It's too much
Music
Fashion blogs
Overwhelmed
Missing out
Drunk
What if's
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Designs in my head
When I announced that I would be decorating my brothers room my brain has not shut up! And then to make it even worse I have been addicted to this new show on Bravo called Million Dollar Decorators. I feel like there is this bubble that is growing out from the top of my head and its getting thicker and heaver and if I don't get to use my "power" its going to explode. For sure I am not this amazing decorator like people are in the show but I have never had more ideas in my head about creating something in my life!!!! I'm sure this is what it feels like when an artist does not have his paint and brush's, he needs to paint something but there is nothing for him to paint with!! I do have a passion for fashion but I think my passion for design was never as dominant as the fashion part, plus fashion is easily accessible in way as to interior design; I mean who has a warehouse where they can just keep furniture and things because they like them? My closet can barely fit all of my shoes!! I could also be changing in way, my interest in fashion I think will always be with me, but I think my interest for decorating is making its way to be in the front of the line and I'm okay with this BUT I find it very frustrating!!!! The visions in my head are so powerful, so real, its DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Life is a bull ride
I started my volentering job at the doctors office yesterday (Tue 7th) and it was not an easy first day....well it kind of was. My duties included putting back the charts of patients, collect the fax's that come in and give them to the doctors in the office open up mail and give them to the doctors, make labels for new charts, make new charts. Kind of a lot of nothing but it was a busy day and I was standing from 9-5 the only time I sat down was for lunch and that was for about 30min. The people in the office were nice to me, although this one women got a little annoyed with me towards the end of the day. My Guy was kind of in the area so he offered to pick me up, when I got in the car he asked me how my day was, i had told him a little bit about it when I talked with him on the phone before he picked up and already I was kind of not in a good mood. My brain felt numb and feet and back were killing me, all I wanted to do was go to bed; but I couldn't My Guy and I were going to see the U2 concert.
I think I did okay on my first day, even if I didn't they cant fire me, it's an unpaid job. I have no confidence in myself when it comes to working, NONE WHAT SO EVER!!! I was thinking today what job did I like the most, what job did I have that made me feel good? It was the job that I had in college, I worked on the campus, I loved that job and I loved my boss, I worked by myself and that got a little lonely sometimes but at the same time I knew I felt I stayed out of trouble and out of people's way. I wish I could have kept that job and the pay was better, I think it really was the best job for me, I felt good about myself and I had a boss that was encouraging and so nice.
A few people asked me the other day how old I was and I told them, some said "okay" and some said "oh wow" I don't know was the "oh wow" about that I'm closer to 30 then to 19 and I dont have enough experience and a job? I'm really scared about my future, it is so hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel of my life. I see myself having a job and then loosing it and this being an on going process. I don't see myself being good at things, I also dont know what the hell I want to do with my life or myself, I wish I could figure it out I wish I could be good at something that applied to the working world. I feel so misunderstood by people, family, friends and even by my boyfriend, I feel I am on this on going battle with myself and everyone else. I am a good person, a nice young women, funny, I like putting outfits together and designing a room, I like to clean, I like to be organized, I like to paint my nails, I like to help others; these things make me feel good.
I sometimes lay in bed at night thinking about having a family and the one thing that wins over all the nice feelings is if my child later in life ended up with a learning disability, it would be one of the most saddest day's in my life, just knowing that my child will have to suffer the way I have for so long to understand things, it will be a very dark day. I really dont know how I would deal, I think I would cry for day's. Writing about this is making me cry.
Life is a bull ride, to stay on that bull is so hard!
I think I did okay on my first day, even if I didn't they cant fire me, it's an unpaid job. I have no confidence in myself when it comes to working, NONE WHAT SO EVER!!! I was thinking today what job did I like the most, what job did I have that made me feel good? It was the job that I had in college, I worked on the campus, I loved that job and I loved my boss, I worked by myself and that got a little lonely sometimes but at the same time I knew I felt I stayed out of trouble and out of people's way. I wish I could have kept that job and the pay was better, I think it really was the best job for me, I felt good about myself and I had a boss that was encouraging and so nice.
A few people asked me the other day how old I was and I told them, some said "okay" and some said "oh wow" I don't know was the "oh wow" about that I'm closer to 30 then to 19 and I dont have enough experience and a job? I'm really scared about my future, it is so hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel of my life. I see myself having a job and then loosing it and this being an on going process. I don't see myself being good at things, I also dont know what the hell I want to do with my life or myself, I wish I could figure it out I wish I could be good at something that applied to the working world. I feel so misunderstood by people, family, friends and even by my boyfriend, I feel I am on this on going battle with myself and everyone else. I am a good person, a nice young women, funny, I like putting outfits together and designing a room, I like to clean, I like to be organized, I like to paint my nails, I like to help others; these things make me feel good.
I sometimes lay in bed at night thinking about having a family and the one thing that wins over all the nice feelings is if my child later in life ended up with a learning disability, it would be one of the most saddest day's in my life, just knowing that my child will have to suffer the way I have for so long to understand things, it will be a very dark day. I really dont know how I would deal, I think I would cry for day's. Writing about this is making me cry.
Life is a bull ride, to stay on that bull is so hard!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
When I say now , I mean NOW!!!!!
I have this summer project that I would like to achieve and it's throwing out all of my brothers stuff in this room and transforming it into this beautiful space....if it was up to me it would be half way done!! But I need help and finding help is really hard to find, My Guy said he would help but every time I throw out my idea's he seems to not like them......I would like to start at 10am....he says it shouldn't matter what time we start. Oh really? Well I would like to go to the Good-Will or the dump I would like to get the paint, I need to put more things in trash bags and I CANT DO THIS ALL BY MYSELF!!!! I HATE when I have to rely on others because when I ask for something I want it done NOW!!! I don't care if thats mean, it's who I am, but I also know that something's can not happen now, and when I know this I am as cool as a cumber!!!
When My Guy and I got back from Europe I was really excited to post pictures it's been 2 weeks now? I keep asking and asking and asking, I have even tried to set some time but something keeps happening from making the time to get the pictures up and IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! I know this might sound stupid but I'm not sure if My Guy understands....I have waited my whole life to go to Europe and I would like to have some pictures to show for it!!!! I am this close of loosing my shit and going all crazy lady at him............I WANT MY FUCKING PICTURES YOU PROCRASTINATING ASS!!!! Like I said before if it was up to me I would have had them already, so being that I don't I will just continue to rid his ass till I get them, or I will go to his place while he is at work and some how send a file to myself of the pictures.
I am so frustrated with people these day's, I also need a weekend sometime soon where I dont do anything or I do something that I want to do all by myself!!!!
When My Guy and I got back from Europe I was really excited to post pictures it's been 2 weeks now? I keep asking and asking and asking, I have even tried to set some time but something keeps happening from making the time to get the pictures up and IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! I know this might sound stupid but I'm not sure if My Guy understands....I have waited my whole life to go to Europe and I would like to have some pictures to show for it!!!! I am this close of loosing my shit and going all crazy lady at him............I WANT MY FUCKING PICTURES YOU PROCRASTINATING ASS!!!! Like I said before if it was up to me I would have had them already, so being that I don't I will just continue to rid his ass till I get them, or I will go to his place while he is at work and some how send a file to myself of the pictures.
I am so frustrated with people these day's, I also need a weekend sometime soon where I dont do anything or I do something that I want to do all by myself!!!!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Now I see why.....
My last post I was really missing SF and all of my little things, but things did end up smoothing out and over all I had a nice time in Europe. But I do want to share a few things.
On my trip I thought I was going to think Europe was going to be so amazing, it wasn't, but it wasn't bad, it just wasn't what I had in mind. Stockholm was amazing and so was Vienna, both places were so chic I wish I could have spent more time there. I realized after a while why everyone wants to come to America, we really do have it better here. Before I kind of got it, I mean China is over populated and the Middle East sucks ass and Mexico....well, yeah; but I didn't really really get it till I left the US. I had never felt more lucky, spoiled and proud to be an American. I never get it when people talk about how amazing something is and they never talk about the bad stuff, I want to hear the bad stuff, give me the reality! All my life I have herd "go to Europe" "have you been to Europe?" "Europe is so cool, i had so much fun" well, yes I had fun and I am very happy that I went and I'm sure I will have different feelings when I go to France or Italy but I did not have those feelings that everyone was talking about.
You have to pay to take a piss in Prague, cobble stone streets SUCK ASS to walk on, the washer's over there take up to an hour to wash your cloths, grocery shopping sucks over there. Yes the old building are AMAZING to look at and I could have spent hours in some of them but over all, the US has it going on!
On my trip I thought I was going to think Europe was going to be so amazing, it wasn't, but it wasn't bad, it just wasn't what I had in mind. Stockholm was amazing and so was Vienna, both places were so chic I wish I could have spent more time there. I realized after a while why everyone wants to come to America, we really do have it better here. Before I kind of got it, I mean China is over populated and the Middle East sucks ass and Mexico....well, yeah; but I didn't really really get it till I left the US. I had never felt more lucky, spoiled and proud to be an American. I never get it when people talk about how amazing something is and they never talk about the bad stuff, I want to hear the bad stuff, give me the reality! All my life I have herd "go to Europe" "have you been to Europe?" "Europe is so cool, i had so much fun" well, yes I had fun and I am very happy that I went and I'm sure I will have different feelings when I go to France or Italy but I did not have those feelings that everyone was talking about.
You have to pay to take a piss in Prague, cobble stone streets SUCK ASS to walk on, the washer's over there take up to an hour to wash your cloths, grocery shopping sucks over there. Yes the old building are AMAZING to look at and I could have spent hours in some of them but over all, the US has it going on!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Away from my fog
So I'm still in Europe, as of right now I'm In Prague and it's a really beautiful city! But I'am starting to get home sick, it's getting to the point when I see or hear any Americans I feel a little bit better inside :( I think I said that this is the longest I have been away from my family and I thought I would be just fine and I think I have been doing fine, but the language barrier and most of My Guy's friends I have been meeting are taking a tole on me. My Guy's friends that I have met have all been very nice but SO BORING well expect for one, this girl My Guy is friends with we have been staying at her place and she is freaking awesome I'm going to miss her when I leave :( I am writing this blog from my iPhone and My Guy is passed out next to me because he drank a little bit too much last night (it's 9:30 am).
I am trying not to think about home and trying to enjoy my trip but I realized last night that I am a creature of habit, I mean I guess we all are in some way but for sure some can be worse then others. I'm not the worse than others....I hope not but I know what works for me and I know what I like! And I like San Francisco and I know my bed and the food in SF is amazing and I love the fog!
I think I will stop before my phone blows up.
I am trying not to think about home and trying to enjoy my trip but I realized last night that I am a creature of habit, I mean I guess we all are in some way but for sure some can be worse then others. I'm not the worse than others....I hope not but I know what works for me and I know what I like! And I like San Francisco and I know my bed and the food in SF is amazing and I love the fog!
I think I will stop before my phone blows up.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Don't Smile America
So I am in Stockholm Sweden, we have been here for 2 day's so far, we leave tomorrow (Monday) and I have really enjoyed this city, I hope someday I come back. Stockholm has been such a stylish city, and I don't mean just fashion wise, everything!
Last night My Guy and I left the hotel kind of on the late side to eat dinner so we didn't have much restaurants to pick from because most of them were closing, we found a place that was still opened and walked in. We ordered our food, the food was fine, we had some wine, its was okay (I have realized I am kind of a wine snob after learning that the wine is different....in Sweden so far) anyways after our meal we just continue to enjoy our wine and sit back and relax. This large group of people came into the restaurant and we notice that they could use an extra chair, My Guy offered the extra chair we had at our table they said thank you and one of the guy's said something sexist in a "funny" way. I ask My Guy if the group of people are German and he said he didn't know so he turned to ask they said yes that most were, some were from Belgium, he said to them congratulations on beating Russia in the hockey game (world hockey is playing right now)they didn't know but were happy to find out. Then this is what things turn from fine to bad......they asked were we were from.........let me let you know that there was maybe 7 guy's and 1 female.....okay so My Guy say's he is from Slovakia but lives in California and I am from California. They all smiled and then one of the guy's asks me where in California and I said San Francisco, I noticed that all the guy's were looking at me as if I was some alien it was VERY creepy, My Guy said later on he didn't notice all them only one looking at me. This one guy was very aggressive I guess you could say and he was interested in talking with me more then My Guy, at one point My Guy went to the bathroom and the aggressive guy gave me a card with his full name and info on the back and said I should contact him because he works in the wine business then he asked me if I was on Facebook, I hesitated and they all started to laugh, mind you this guy mentioned that he was married! My Guy came back from the bathroom, perfect timing, I wanted to get the fuck out of there!!! When we were leaving he said to me "good bye, I hope we can stay in touch" My Guy didn't really think anything of it until we got back to the hotel and I pulled out his card he gave me to trow it away. My Guy was pissed and said that guy was a creep-o.
The reason why I have tittled this don't smile America is because My Guy has told me in the past that American's smile too much and come off as naive and too nice. At the time I brushed it off but now I see what he means, I also think Paris Hilton and Britney Spears didn't help in making American girls/women look any better. My Guy was saying that when you smile too much it can give off the wrong message. European's don't really smile. Okay, that's fine, but it really creeped me out to think that just my smile and being nice could have been some sign that I was "loose". I felt sick to my stomach when we got back to the hotel and I felt uneasy the next day (today), I don't want to know what those guy's were thinking...........okay that is kind of a lie I would like to know!!
I really hope that this is the only bad experience I have on my trip to Europe!
Last night My Guy and I left the hotel kind of on the late side to eat dinner so we didn't have much restaurants to pick from because most of them were closing, we found a place that was still opened and walked in. We ordered our food, the food was fine, we had some wine, its was okay (I have realized I am kind of a wine snob after learning that the wine is different....in Sweden so far) anyways after our meal we just continue to enjoy our wine and sit back and relax. This large group of people came into the restaurant and we notice that they could use an extra chair, My Guy offered the extra chair we had at our table they said thank you and one of the guy's said something sexist in a "funny" way. I ask My Guy if the group of people are German and he said he didn't know so he turned to ask they said yes that most were, some were from Belgium, he said to them congratulations on beating Russia in the hockey game (world hockey is playing right now)they didn't know but were happy to find out. Then this is what things turn from fine to bad......they asked were we were from.........let me let you know that there was maybe 7 guy's and 1 female.....okay so My Guy say's he is from Slovakia but lives in California and I am from California. They all smiled and then one of the guy's asks me where in California and I said San Francisco, I noticed that all the guy's were looking at me as if I was some alien it was VERY creepy, My Guy said later on he didn't notice all them only one looking at me. This one guy was very aggressive I guess you could say and he was interested in talking with me more then My Guy, at one point My Guy went to the bathroom and the aggressive guy gave me a card with his full name and info on the back and said I should contact him because he works in the wine business then he asked me if I was on Facebook, I hesitated and they all started to laugh, mind you this guy mentioned that he was married! My Guy came back from the bathroom, perfect timing, I wanted to get the fuck out of there!!! When we were leaving he said to me "good bye, I hope we can stay in touch" My Guy didn't really think anything of it until we got back to the hotel and I pulled out his card he gave me to trow it away. My Guy was pissed and said that guy was a creep-o.
The reason why I have tittled this don't smile America is because My Guy has told me in the past that American's smile too much and come off as naive and too nice. At the time I brushed it off but now I see what he means, I also think Paris Hilton and Britney Spears didn't help in making American girls/women look any better. My Guy was saying that when you smile too much it can give off the wrong message. European's don't really smile. Okay, that's fine, but it really creeped me out to think that just my smile and being nice could have been some sign that I was "loose". I felt sick to my stomach when we got back to the hotel and I felt uneasy the next day (today), I don't want to know what those guy's were thinking...........okay that is kind of a lie I would like to know!!
I really hope that this is the only bad experience I have on my trip to Europe!
Monday, April 25, 2011
4 Day's Left!
I'm leaving for Europe in 4 day's and I have a bunch of mixed feelings, but one feeling keeps coming up more then the others.....I can't wait to get the fuck out of this city!! I am so over the people and well....San Fransisco, I need a new change of everything I guess. This will be the longest I have ever been away from home and I will be interested on how I will deal, I'm sure I'm going to be just fine.
I might have a job when I get back San Francisco, a family member put in a good word for me and some arrangements were made, but I don't really believe it until I see something in writing!
I can't get over how things have come together in my life, maybe not all in the order that I dreamed about but here they are! An amazing boyfriend, I finished school, a trip to Europe and now maybe a job that would be a wonderful experience! I know how lucky I am and I tell myself almost everyday this and there was a time where I didn't see any of this happening in my life, but if it wasn't for My Guy and my family non of theses things would have happened for me. I will forever be grateful to you guys, truly and thank you!
I might have a job when I get back San Francisco, a family member put in a good word for me and some arrangements were made, but I don't really believe it until I see something in writing!
I can't get over how things have come together in my life, maybe not all in the order that I dreamed about but here they are! An amazing boyfriend, I finished school, a trip to Europe and now maybe a job that would be a wonderful experience! I know how lucky I am and I tell myself almost everyday this and there was a time where I didn't see any of this happening in my life, but if it wasn't for My Guy and my family non of theses things would have happened for me. I will forever be grateful to you guys, truly and thank you!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Worst weekend ever!
I have realized that I really don't like to go out on Friday nights, I like to be home sitting on my couch or bed watching a movie and going to bed at a decent hour so I can wake up at like 8:30-9am and have a wonderful Saturday!
I also dont like the feeling knowing that if I didnt show up at a bar, club, house party, whatever it really wouldn't have mattered, even though you were begged and had a gun put to your head to show up..............your time was waisted and you felt used! I hate to waist people's time, and rarely ever will I use someone, I feel very strongly about Karma! I was thinking about friendships in SF, looking at my past....lets just say I have shoes that are older.
I was asked last night by MyGuy if I missed anything about being single and I told him that I missed being able to wake up in the morning and just go, like not having to tell anyone what your going to do for the weekend, you are able to just get up and go. I also wanted to add, drama. I HATE drama, and thats what I felt this weekend was all about, being single, the only drama you have is with yourself and you can stop that as fast as you started; but not when your seeing someone. I love MyGuy very much and I dont often think about being single, I only think about it when times get tough because I really can't handle drama with people it is VERY overwhelming for me, my brain feels like it's going to explode. I would have to say that's when I crave being by myself the most and the power to snap my fingers and be away from that person.
All I want I feel are simple things, be there for me like I am for you, be a true friend, dont put drama in my life because I will go out of my way to not put it in yours, know that sometimes I want to be left alone and not take it personally.
I'm pissed, heartbroken, drained, let down and overwhelmed.
"I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone"
Audrey Hepburn
I also dont like the feeling knowing that if I didnt show up at a bar, club, house party, whatever it really wouldn't have mattered, even though you were begged and had a gun put to your head to show up..............your time was waisted and you felt used! I hate to waist people's time, and rarely ever will I use someone, I feel very strongly about Karma! I was thinking about friendships in SF, looking at my past....lets just say I have shoes that are older.
I was asked last night by MyGuy if I missed anything about being single and I told him that I missed being able to wake up in the morning and just go, like not having to tell anyone what your going to do for the weekend, you are able to just get up and go. I also wanted to add, drama. I HATE drama, and thats what I felt this weekend was all about, being single, the only drama you have is with yourself and you can stop that as fast as you started; but not when your seeing someone. I love MyGuy very much and I dont often think about being single, I only think about it when times get tough because I really can't handle drama with people it is VERY overwhelming for me, my brain feels like it's going to explode. I would have to say that's when I crave being by myself the most and the power to snap my fingers and be away from that person.
All I want I feel are simple things, be there for me like I am for you, be a true friend, dont put drama in my life because I will go out of my way to not put it in yours, know that sometimes I want to be left alone and not take it personally.
I'm pissed, heartbroken, drained, let down and overwhelmed.
"I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone"
Audrey Hepburn
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Lady G gave me goose bumps
My friend, myself and My Guy all went to the Lady Gaga concert last night! I have to say that I'm really glad that my friend came because it was so nice to have someone to sing and dance along with.....I miss the day's we used to get down and funky while waiting at bus stops!!!
Lady Gaga's performance was awesome, I liked that she took some time to talk with her fan's, she did get cheesy at times, but it was okay. She gave me goose bumps at one point when she went on a "born this way" speech. I know this is about being gay and be proud of it, but what about being blind,handicap,black, having red hair, being dyslexic? Does that apply? Knowing Gaga, I would assume she would agree. It's really hard sometimes to love yourself for what you are, and yes I was born dyslexic and this is who I am, her speech made me think if the gay's need to except who they are so should I!
Thanks Gaga!
Lady Gaga's performance was awesome, I liked that she took some time to talk with her fan's, she did get cheesy at times, but it was okay. She gave me goose bumps at one point when she went on a "born this way" speech. I know this is about being gay and be proud of it, but what about being blind,handicap,black, having red hair, being dyslexic? Does that apply? Knowing Gaga, I would assume she would agree. It's really hard sometimes to love yourself for what you are, and yes I was born dyslexic and this is who I am, her speech made me think if the gay's need to except who they are so should I!
Thanks Gaga!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Rambling list
I really miss my Sunday's - laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, hanging out with my Mom.
If your going to Europe soon don't watch the movie Taken, because all I can think about is being taken and never seen again and i'll have to fuck nasty ass fat fucks and I know I will get the worst vaginal infection I could ever think of, among other things!
I don't like that I'm only 27 and I already have hemorrhoids and gray hair, like come on!!! The gray hair....could we just wait till i'm 30? And the hemorrhoids....age 40?
I wish I could meet someone who never said anything about my body.
I wonder do people question if they feel they are a good friend/sibling/spouse/boyfriend, girlfriend? I have been thinking this lately.
I need some sun on my bones.
I joined the YMCA and I'm hoping to turn this bag of bones of a body into something cool.
I would like to get stoned and then dance.
If your going to Europe soon don't watch the movie Taken, because all I can think about is being taken and never seen again and i'll have to fuck nasty ass fat fucks and I know I will get the worst vaginal infection I could ever think of, among other things!
I don't like that I'm only 27 and I already have hemorrhoids and gray hair, like come on!!! The gray hair....could we just wait till i'm 30? And the hemorrhoids....age 40?
I wish I could meet someone who never said anything about my body.
I wonder do people question if they feel they are a good friend/sibling/spouse/boyfriend, girlfriend? I have been thinking this lately.
I need some sun on my bones.
I joined the YMCA and I'm hoping to turn this bag of bones of a body into something cool.
I would like to get stoned and then dance.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Knocked it out of the park!
I am in love with almost every piece in this RTW (ready to wear) fall 11/12 Chanel collection!!!
WOW!!!!
WOW!!!!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
It's like saying you like cucumbers but you don't like pickles
I remember when I decided that I did not like Prada, her style does not appeal to me at all what so ever, but a few months back I found out that Miu Miu's creater is Miuccia Prada, who is Prada....have I confused you? I have seen a few Miu Miu show's on youtube and have been pleased but not blown away until now! And I kind of feel like it's that feeling that you know that pickles come from cumbers, but you prefer cucumbers over pickles anyways because of the look and taste. I guess that apply's to Miu Miu vs Prada.
These are a few of my favorite from the Miu Miu Fall 2011 collection and I also added the video of the show. I like the collection tords the end,the music also picks up a bit more, and I love the shoes from start to finish....glitter....YES PLEASE!!!
These are a few of my favorite from the Miu Miu Fall 2011 collection and I also added the video of the show. I like the collection tords the end,the music also picks up a bit more, and I love the shoes from start to finish....glitter....YES PLEASE!!!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Heels
Last Friday I was feeling kind of sad and the sad me wanted to stay in bed and hide from the world but the other side told me that I needed to get my ass to Walgreen's so I got my ass up and out of the house. I would say I am a somewhat snazzy dresser, I like to go out of my way to look nice/stylish a young lady in her late 20's, so I thought I would put on some heels.....I know, just a 5 block walk to Walgreen's but come on, I was looking for a "lets try to feel hot". I put on these clogs that have a slight heel to them, I was happy with my outfit, but when I left the house and as I was walking I started to feel stupid and I don't think I have ever felt stupid when I have worn heels in the past, if anything they have made me feel powerful! Maybe it could have been from my mood but I do make fun of the girls who wear heels to school, have you been to CCSF, it is a VERY hilly school, your heel's could easily pop off!!
I have A LOT of heels and I wish I could wear them more often but San Francisco I would say is a not a heel friendly city, I'm more of a flat boot girl, I need to know that I can get around with my feet!
I think it was just my mood.
I have A LOT of heels and I wish I could wear them more often but San Francisco I would say is a not a heel friendly city, I'm more of a flat boot girl, I need to know that I can get around with my feet!
I think it was just my mood.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Pulled in 5 million ways
So I didn't get the job, but I'm okay with it....kind of. But it was nice that the lady said what I should work on. Now I know for next time!
My ant is driving me crazy, after I told her that I didn't get the job she called me one evening and left a long message on my cell, I think she was drunk by the way, letting me know that it was fine that I didn't get the job (I'm aware of this that its okay, thank you). I wish I could some how have the message on this post but I'm not that tech sav. She wants me to go back to school but not just any school, a school like Held College, My Guy is not in favor of this, my Mom is in the middle and I really have no idea how I feel about any of this. I do know that I would love it if people would stay out of my life and let me decide on what I would like to do........I mean after all it is my life, right?
I also have been feeling trapped or left out, like I'm keeping myself locked away. There is something missing about me I feel and it's bringing me down.
My ant is driving me crazy, after I told her that I didn't get the job she called me one evening and left a long message on my cell, I think she was drunk by the way, letting me know that it was fine that I didn't get the job (I'm aware of this that its okay, thank you). I wish I could some how have the message on this post but I'm not that tech sav. She wants me to go back to school but not just any school, a school like Held College, My Guy is not in favor of this, my Mom is in the middle and I really have no idea how I feel about any of this. I do know that I would love it if people would stay out of my life and let me decide on what I would like to do........I mean after all it is my life, right?
I also have been feeling trapped or left out, like I'm keeping myself locked away. There is something missing about me I feel and it's bringing me down.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Don't want anyone to talk to you? Do the face!
My very good friend shared this with me and I think this is one of the best video's and idea's I think I have maybe ever seen! I also can't wait to do this!
Thank you friend :)
Thank you friend :)
Friday, February 25, 2011
Just my style
A new love for a designer called Tibi, aka Amy Smilovic. Her design and color's are just breathtaking and I must share a few of my fav's from her collocation.
Fallow up on "Adult World"
I played it cool I would say for the most part, the only time I got nervous was when the lady wanted be to do some stuff on the computer. I forgot how to do some stuff and I was also not familiar with of the systems she wanted to to use. She also asked me to set up some packet and I asked her if there was a model already made in how it should look and she said "no" so I just winged it and of cores it was wrong..........well what did you expect me to do when I had nothing to work with! Towards the end of the say the lady seemed a little bit over me asking me questions and she said I could go home, she said that she would send me my check and let me know if I need to come in next week. I care but don't at the same time, I talked with my cousin last night ans she said it seemed like I did everything just fine, she said it takes someone who starts a new job at least 3 months to adjust to everything at the work place, and she also said "it's your first day, of cores your going to ask questions!"
I really liked the office and the location, there is a really nice area down the block to sit and have lunch at and my bus line is like 3 blocks away, the other people in the office seemed really nice and I could see myself working there, but maybe this lady didn't, who knows. I was also telling my cousin I didn't know what was expected of me and also was there something I had to do that was going to make it or break it for me to get the job.
Mixed feelings is what I have, about this job, and about myself.
I really liked the office and the location, there is a really nice area down the block to sit and have lunch at and my bus line is like 3 blocks away, the other people in the office seemed really nice and I could see myself working there, but maybe this lady didn't, who knows. I was also telling my cousin I didn't know what was expected of me and also was there something I had to do that was going to make it or break it for me to get the job.
Mixed feelings is what I have, about this job, and about myself.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
"Adult world"......as my mother likes to call it when you have a job
I had a phone interview about 3 weeks ago....I think it was that long ago. Anyways, they were the first job that I applied for that called me back and wanted to talk me! And they are the first job that I applied for that wanted me to come in to their office and "work" for them for a day and I get paid for it even if I screw it up!
I am a kind of surprised with myself that I'm not freaking out, I mean I am worried on how I'm going to do and how its going to go and if they are going to like me and am I going to like them, but at the same time I feel like "oh well"! What I am freaking out about is though, this is it, adult hood is here and it's coming strong!
I have set out my cloths to wear for tomorrow, I have packed my bag all is missing is my lunch that I will fix tomorrow morning, I have my iPod packed with a great playlist (almost typed mix tape). I'm going over in my head on how its all going to go, I just hope the women who I will be working for is as nice as she was on the phone. I will be working for a headhunting company and I will be the paid intern who will be doing clerical work. I start at 10am - 5:30 (maybe)it's down town and the only exciting part about this is that my friend's office is not too far away and I might get to see my brother (he's a bike messenger).
I'll keep you posted on how it went!
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Well, "Adult World" here you are, no turning back now!
I am a kind of surprised with myself that I'm not freaking out, I mean I am worried on how I'm going to do and how its going to go and if they are going to like me and am I going to like them, but at the same time I feel like "oh well"! What I am freaking out about is though, this is it, adult hood is here and it's coming strong!
I have set out my cloths to wear for tomorrow, I have packed my bag all is missing is my lunch that I will fix tomorrow morning, I have my iPod packed with a great playlist (almost typed mix tape). I'm going over in my head on how its all going to go, I just hope the women who I will be working for is as nice as she was on the phone. I will be working for a headhunting company and I will be the paid intern who will be doing clerical work. I start at 10am - 5:30 (maybe)it's down town and the only exciting part about this is that my friend's office is not too far away and I might get to see my brother (he's a bike messenger).
I'll keep you posted on how it went!
Keep your fingers crossed for me!
Well, "Adult World" here you are, no turning back now!
Friday, February 18, 2011
Thom busting a move!
I AM SO FREAKING HAPPY FOR SOME NEW RADIOHEAD MUSIC AND VIDEO'S!!!!!! I hope they tour!!!!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
Do you really care when I talk?
Do you find yourself you start talking with someone and you know they dont really have any interest in listening to you unless it has something to do with them? But when they talk, you give them your 100% attention? Sometimes I wonder do these people know how they are acting?
I would say I'm an honest person 98% of the time, if I know the person on a personal level and when they start talking about something and I have no interest in talking with them I will tell them right off the bat, or let them know to tell me later because I dont want to waist my time or theirs. I do and I don't like to talk about myself but I would say when this does happen its most of the time in a funny way, I dont like to pull out the "owe me is me" card........who cares that your dyslexic, who cares that you went to therapy, who cares if you have issues with your parents!!! Unless you want to know about me then I will tell you but I have to feel comfortable with you, but I get more pleasure learning about the other person that way I don't have to worry about "am I talking too much?".
If you find yourself not really listening to the other person try to turn on the ears and remember when you talk that other person they always listen's to you!
I would say I'm an honest person 98% of the time, if I know the person on a personal level and when they start talking about something and I have no interest in talking with them I will tell them right off the bat, or let them know to tell me later because I dont want to waist my time or theirs. I do and I don't like to talk about myself but I would say when this does happen its most of the time in a funny way, I dont like to pull out the "owe me is me" card........who cares that your dyslexic, who cares that you went to therapy, who cares if you have issues with your parents!!! Unless you want to know about me then I will tell you but I have to feel comfortable with you, but I get more pleasure learning about the other person that way I don't have to worry about "am I talking too much?".
If you find yourself not really listening to the other person try to turn on the ears and remember when you talk that other person they always listen's to you!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
I never really liked your bags, until now!
OMFG!!!! Seriously, like how awesome is this bag??? I was never really a fan of Alexander Wang cloths or bags, but I wouldn't say I disliked his stuff either, for sure I would always check it out because his stuff are all over the fashion blogs. Anyways, I'm dying for this bag, I almost want to go to Saks just to see it in person and touch it. I remember when I went to Barny's and got to see the Givenchy Nightingale handbag, I love the design but the bag is just way to big and WAY to expensive!!!!
You can check out the bag here.
You can check out the bag here.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Storage
I'm in some need of making giving my room a face lift and for sure I would say the number one thing it could use would be more storage. But I also want to get rid of some furniture that I have as well, if it was up to me all I would have in my room would be my dresser and bed, but such a life! So this is what I'm thinking about or have in mind.....does that kind of mean the same thing?
(I really like that it's an office/ storage, I kind of feel it would hold everything in what I'm looking for that needs....holding)
(I feel I don't really need something like this, it would be just a want and also I dont know where I would put it)
(I like this one just a bit more then the first one only because it's longer and the style is really simple)
(I know this has nothing to do with storage but my Ant has one of these baby's in her house and they always reminded me of an upside down crown, I will show you one day the worst light fixture EVER and its in my room, this might be tacky, but it would for sure put some glitz in my room!)
(I really like that it's an office/ storage, I kind of feel it would hold everything in what I'm looking for that needs....holding)
(I feel I don't really need something like this, it would be just a want and also I dont know where I would put it)
(I like this one just a bit more then the first one only because it's longer and the style is really simple)
(I know this has nothing to do with storage but my Ant has one of these baby's in her house and they always reminded me of an upside down crown, I will show you one day the worst light fixture EVER and its in my room, this might be tacky, but it would for sure put some glitz in my room!)
Monday, January 31, 2011
Made for me!
A few months ago a coupon was presented on Yelp for $50 but could buy you $100 dollars worth of cloths, this was an awesome deal and also this store was right up my ally! They sold these brand of jeans that I had been eying for a while now, JBrand and Cheep Monday (Swedish brand) it was my lucky day because not only did they have my size but they also had the colors of jean's I wanted too!The custmor service was awesome, I can't say enough about this store.......and it's called CandyStore Collective! They have 2 locations but the one in the Mission is the one to go to for the jeans! As My Guy and I were checking out on the counter there was some bottles of perfume, and as My Guy can't keep his hands to himself, every 2 seconds "how do you like this smell?" after smelling 3 bottles of what granny would wear I smelled something AMAZING; it was like that perfect perfume you think about in your head if you could make one, this would be it, and also it's REAL PERFUME, the real deal people! It's made by YOSH and the fragrance that i'm in love with is called U4eahhi 2.43, when you go to the website and press on the fragrance it's crazy to read who this lady made this sent for..........um hello for me! Pomegranate, aloe vera, cucumber, pear, water lily, Pomegranate and pear had me sold and also there is a numerology set up and number is 3, friendly, social, artistic.....I think I'm those things.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I don't want to do this.....
Do you ever have that day were you would like to throw your body in front of a moving bus, well today is that kind of day for me. The only good thing about today is the weather, and I wish I was excited about that!
This whole adult thing is really catching up to me, I'm not like freaking out about "oh, man I'm an adult now, shit, what do I do" no, it's more like stuff is going to happen and I don't know how the hell I'm going to deal. My Guy and sometimes have heavy conversations and I freak out a little bit because it way too much for me, and it really makes me question myself if I am capable to handle life, would I be better off being stuck in a padded wall cell?
I had this fast conversation with this girl I met one night when I was having drinks with a long time friend who was visiting from NYC, she was bipolar and she was dyslexic, I started to say something like "you feel like your only good at this one thing, and if I'm only good at this one thing then whats the point of living on this planet if I can only offer one thing" she looked me for a second like I was a ghost and then said "it's like you were in my head", that made me feel good for a bit to know that someone else feels that way out there. I told My Guy the other day, I look at the end of my day like "Well I didn't understand today, so maybe I will tomorrow" I feel like thats my life, thats how it is everyday for me.
I woke up this morning feeling like shit.
This whole adult thing is really catching up to me, I'm not like freaking out about "oh, man I'm an adult now, shit, what do I do" no, it's more like stuff is going to happen and I don't know how the hell I'm going to deal. My Guy and sometimes have heavy conversations and I freak out a little bit because it way too much for me, and it really makes me question myself if I am capable to handle life, would I be better off being stuck in a padded wall cell?
I had this fast conversation with this girl I met one night when I was having drinks with a long time friend who was visiting from NYC, she was bipolar and she was dyslexic, I started to say something like "you feel like your only good at this one thing, and if I'm only good at this one thing then whats the point of living on this planet if I can only offer one thing" she looked me for a second like I was a ghost and then said "it's like you were in my head", that made me feel good for a bit to know that someone else feels that way out there. I told My Guy the other day, I look at the end of my day like "Well I didn't understand today, so maybe I will tomorrow" I feel like thats my life, thats how it is everyday for me.
I woke up this morning feeling like shit.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
200th Post!
As of right now I am suffering from a stomach flue, not fun! Chills, fever, feeling like you could sleep for day's, and may I add your shit that you shit out is REALLY smelly water!!! I am feeling a little bit better......for now, My Guy came over and brought me some Gatorade and some Tulips! I could say that my 2011 so far could be better but I won't, because to base it on a flue would not be fare, right? But I would like to talk about 2010! 2010 was not a dull year at all!!! I met a wonderful guy who my family and friends just love, I ended a friendship that was not a solid friendship from the get go, I got my waiver for math witch fallowed me being done with school, MY Guy got his green card, I have to say some really good things came out of 2010. For new years it was perfect, My Guy cooked me dinner and then we watched House Hunter's marathon, had 2 sips of some very bad Champaign and then hit the sack by 1:30am!
For 2011 I hope to get a job, move out - move in with My Guy and travel around Europe. I also hope some things work out for some of my family and friends, babies are born and healthy, someone starting out on a new look on life!
I'm really happy to have this blog, I like to know that I have not only pictures to remind me of my memories but I have stories and feelings and I think that's important too!
For 2011 I hope to get a job, move out - move in with My Guy and travel around Europe. I also hope some things work out for some of my family and friends, babies are born and healthy, someone starting out on a new look on life!
I'm really happy to have this blog, I like to know that I have not only pictures to remind me of my memories but I have stories and feelings and I think that's important too!
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