The red plastic thing and the doll

One weekend my family and I attended a school fair, a friend of the family her children went to this school. There were all kinds of games to play and arts and crafts to do, there was one game I remember playing; there was a tent and inside the tent was all these little plastic figures and you had to find the red one, it was very hard also you had to find it in one minute. If you found it, you won a doll, I wanted that doll SO BAD (I was like 7yr old), I didn't find that red plastic thing, and I remember the lady standing outside that tent counting down to 10, I also remember crying when my Mom and I walked away.

I don't know if that was the first time I can remember experiencing being under pressure, why that moment in my life sticks out more then others, but trying hard at something and then failing has always been a sore spot in my life, I don't handle it well! Searching for a job has been feeling like trying to find the red plastic thing in the tent and getting a job will be like winning that the doll.

I have not cried in a little while but I am sensitive more then usual, I know and am very aware how lucky I am, I have a caring family and a caring/helpful boyfriend but its hard sometimes to see it when your so obsessed in finding that red plastic thing, and you wonder is it ever going to happen, will I get that doll someday?

Obessed Art

I am really into nail art and I have done one art thing to my nails, its a craft for sure you have to master and I am game to master at it!

Understand?

I have days where I don't feel I belong in this world, at 28 years old I did not think my life would be like this, no job, still living at home, but I also didn't think about what I am capable of being able to do, not till later, not till it was too late.

There have been somethings that took me down a different road that I wanted to take, it has not been bad but I do think it has set me back and a little bit and also the economy's fault.

I do my best and try my best everyday (almost everyday) to understand this world and the people in my life, sometimes I don't and sometimes I do. Sometimes they can be too much for me, they overwhelm me or they just don't get me, and that makes it hard for me.

My boyfriend can be not easy to deal with sometimes for my brain, but I tell myself that he is a good person and he is the best person who has ever came into my life. The other day he asked me what I hope to get out of life down the road, I have never liked these kind of questions, it's really hard for me to look down the hall at the future for myself or with someone in it with me. I have to take one day at a time, that's how it has to be with me, the only thing that I like to be in advance is scheduling. My life has be on a schedule, if not I feel everything around me is falling apart, is that living in a bubble? I don't care! I also need a routine, it helps keep my brain from falling off the boat, yes I do have day's where I have no idea what I am going to do, but they dont happen too much.

This is me, a little bit of a mess of a young adult women who has a huge heart, an open mind that is confused most of the time and who loves dogs more then people.

3 ladies and 1/2