Beyond myself somewhere I waite for my arrival.

Gimmi, gimmi, buy me buy me!

2009-11-03T13:58:00.001-08:00

You will not be missed October!

2009-11-01T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm really hoping that November will be a little bit better! So far its just whatever. My Halloween was pathetic, but it could have been more pathetic I guess if I had just stayed home, that was almost going to happen! I called my friends up last minute and they let me tag along to 2 parties they were going to. The first one was nice/okay it was over in SOMA, I dressed up as a blond witch, a sexy blond witch!! But as usual I was the only single person at this party and felt the youngest!! The next party was really sad, a part of me is slapping my other part of me for feeling depressed!! We arrive to this guys place and it was only him and 2 other guys....the guy is kind of handicapped and apparently he sent out a mass email to LOTS of people and almost no one showed up!! I felt sorry for the guy, he seemed nice, but also seemed he tried too hard to be "cool". There was a movie playing called Society it was just finishing up, this movie I think was the most bazaar and gross movie I have ever seen, it wasn't even scary it was just weird!!

As I cam out of the shower this morning I was thinking I get really selfish when I'm depressed, and bitter, very very bitter. In general I don't see myself as a cherry person but I don't think I'm a downer, I guess I'm in the middle? I'm not happy with so many thing right now, and its really frustrating because there is not much I can do about it. Like I said this other part of me is slapping myself in the face because I know I have it better than that guy I saw last night, I know I do but its hard to really know it when your in a rut. I've also been wondering do people really want to be my friend, or do they just feel sorry for me? I never want anyone to feel sorry for me.....only about school, I don't need pity, I would rather have you not be my friend than be my friend because you feel sorry for me! I have no desire to do anything, today I was thinking about going to Dolores Park and do some HW, but I changed my mind because I knew I would have to get all cute, but if I just sat out in my backyard I could be a bum!!

I sympathize with the dog!

2009-10-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've been taking care of a dog this week and as much as I love him he drives me crazy! He's very needy, wines about everything....hungry, not giving him enough attention, I'm leaving the house and he's not coming, wants to be on the bed with me....bla bla bla! But in a way I shouldn't make this such a big deal, I found out on Monday that his owners like their turtles better than him (the dog)and I kind of found that to be a little sad, I also herd that they ignore him, the only one that gives him any kind of attention is the oldest daughter; I'm sure its not much being now that she's in high school. I guess I would be acting the same way, all needy, I'm in a house where people are nice to me and give me attention and love, my own owners don't even give me that! I feel sorry for the guy, in a way I can sympathize.

I have been feeling really depressed for the past month now, I'm also very bitter, I don't want to socialize with others, if it was up to me I would just live in my room 24/7! I'm not happy with so many things, over all my life, most of the time its with myself but this time its with my life.....well I guess a little bit with myself. I wish my brain was good at math, I'm very envious of my brother, he visited another country and has moved out all in the last 2 1/2 months! I'm starting to hate this city, I feel very little good has happened for me here, but where would I move to? The only thing holding me is my Mother, I'm very close with her, and other day at a family birthday party she fainted in the bathroom and all I could think about on the car ride home was "what if I lived in LA or NYC, my Dad would have been the one to take care of her, he kind of sucks at that job" Yes I know other family members would and did help out but me being kind of a control freak scared me!

This weekend was all about family, and as much as I love my family sometimes I wish I lived far away so then I wouldn't be sucked into doing stuff for them. On Fri I was sposed to go to a dinner but my Aunt got sick so the dinner was called off, I had 2 invites from friends but me being so anti I stayed in, and around 8ish went with my parents to see my Aunt to see how she was doing.....I got $20 bucks for stopping by? Then Sat, I didn't mind so much, we went over to the East Bay to celebrate my cousins 4th birthday, that was fun until my Mom fainted!! And today, I wanted to shoot myself, I had to go back over to my Aunts house to help out her husband with his iPhone, that took about an hour and 20 min!!! He gave me $50? Then I had to go with my Mom to pick up a picture at Cheep Pets, drive over to her work to drop it off, then drive to Safeway and come back home........did I mention today's weather was perfect??? I should have been at Dolores Park with friends drinking and smoking, or doing something a 20 something does on a weekend....I wouldn't know, I don't have a life!!I know this might be TMI, but I have had a yest infection for a month now, the fucker wont go away, I have been on 2 different kinds of meds, I want to rip my vagina out of my body......it wont be any use to me anyways, I just keep meeting one looser after another!!

This is Buddie!

October Favorites!

2009-10-20T19:12:00.000-07:00

Love, Loss, and What I Wore: Kate Lanphear
Dear Aunt Bunny: Studs, jeans, and Balenciaga...I gotta be me

I come from a conservative Irish-Catholic family. My parents are judges, and I have a sister who’s a lawyer. She’s an all-American girl: Abercrombie jeans, Old Navy hoodies, Nikes. My Aunt Bunny and godmother, Auntie Esther, are two of the most put-together women of all time. Esther’s impeccable bag was always coordinated with the most polished shoes, both offering subtle contrast to her perfectly tailored skirt suits.

My closet, however, is filled with studs, chains, rock ’n’ roll T-shirts, and black skinny jeans. The clothes that feel most like my own skin are the ones that are a little aggressive, a bit punked out: Balenciaga shoes and YSL blazers—I could blow my life’s savings on Givenchy and Alaïa.

If you asked me who my style icons were, I’d say I began with old-school heavy metal. I love the androgyny and the glam. In high school I covered my bedroom walls with Axl Rose posters. Appetite for Destruction was out, and I trailed Guns N’ Roses’ tour bus in my Honda Civic (its plates read AXL LVR). I had these amazing, skinny, tight-enough-to- cut-off-your-circulation acid-wash jeans with an inky blue plastic zipper that ran up the seam, purchased at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall. I had begged my mom for them. They were part of a look: slouchy suede boots, oversize suede jacket, outrageous jeans. Breaking the suburbatopian mold by wearing metalhead garb definitely wasn’t something one did to fit in with the cool kids in Fairfax, Virginia.

My getup was an even bigger faux pas with the family. For awhile I gave their Hyannisport compound ideal a shot. I wore glen plaid trousers from the Limited to Aunt Bunny’s for Christmas. “Oh my God, you look amazing!” she said. Meanwhile, I felt like an imposter.

The awkwardness and inner conflict got worse when I started out as an assistant at a fashion magazine. There was so much pressure to dress the part. I decided I had to fake it to make it. Carolyn Bessette was the girl du jour, so I did my best mimicry, wearing LBDs at an appropriate but unflattering length, with pointy ladylike slingbacks. Then one day in a vintage shop I found…a pair of skinny acid-wash jeans. It was like, Ahhh!—a halo was shining around them. I wore them every day. When I got my first big break, I thought, “Screw it, I’m wearing the jeans to the interview with the editor in chief.” I wanted to see what would happen if I was real. I remember telling her, “I’m not your typical fashion editor. I work hard and I know my stuff, but you should know, I’ll be the one wearing acid-wash jeans.” I got the job.

Once those skinny jeans came into my life, everything that wasn’t authentic—the whole WASPy facade—dropped away. That’s the thing about fashion: You can use it to hide, but it’s only magic when you use it to express who you really are.

Take it slow, take it easy on me......please!

2009-10-19T09:33:00.000-07:00

The World doesnt owe me anything and dating is an exception!

2009-10-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

You rock Taylor Swift!!!!

I think maybe I'm better single too!

What am I good at?

2009-10-14T16:58:00.000-07:00

What I am good at I think doesn't matter in life, so in a way I'm good at nothing!

If only...

2009-10-14T11:03:00.000-07:00

If only I could 5'8, I'm 5'4!

If only I found eating to be fun again, I have realized a few days ago I'm depressed and I have noticed that I have been looking a little bit more thin than usual :(

If only there were not so many frogs in this city and more prince's!

If only I had the courage to break up with Mr. Romania!

If only I could pass this math class.....maybe next semester!

If only I found joy getting ready to start my day, at this point I don't even care what I wear, I'm putting no effort, my cloths don't bring me joy like they usually do!

If only I could get out of this funk!!

Crazy Dreams!

2009-10-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

I know hearing or reading about other peoples dreams are not that interesting but I have had 3 crazy dreams in 3 nights and I really feel like sharing them!

1. I was on some island and I was standing in a shallow pond of beautiful clear blue water and all of a sudden a herd of zebra's come running past me in all different directions but they were not your average zebra's, like black and white, their body was like a lava lamp/a Basso&Brooke dress, it was crazy beautiful!! Then the zebra's turned into guys........hot guys, and one of them came up to me and started talking to me but I dont remember what he said; all I do remember is he pointed to the right and I walked off and ended on some ship with a little boy running around and my father trying to go with him on some elevator that was for employees only......CRAZY!!!

2. So I know my friend is going to roll her eyes when she reads this, but IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!! The Writer was in my dream (the guy who I had acting class with) we were naked in bed......this bedroom by the way was covered in books and it was dark, dark red and black seemed to be the them!At one point he takes this little little pepper shaker and shakes white stuff on the pillow and sniffs it up his nose and I ask him
was that coke and he says yes and then I tell him how I have been thinking of trying coke and then that was the end of the dream.........CRAZY!!!
FYI: I don't plan on trying coke EVER!!!!

3. My 3rd was very weird, some parts are a little fuzzy so excuse me for that! I'm in LA and its at night and I'm hanging out with 2 of the girls from the TV show The Hills Audrina Patridge and Stephanie Pratt and Miss DVF (Diane von Furstenberg!)I'm trying to park my car (I should have been driving something expensive, not a Nissan!!)anyways, we park the car by a corner store and I wasn't that happy about it but the girls told me the car was going to be fine, after we get out of the car I dont remember where we went but I do remember coming back to the car and one side of the car was smashed, so I turn to DVF and tell her she should give me $400 for the car and she said "Oh okay fine, but only because I make so much money darling" then this rose colored van shows up and DVF tells everyone to get in but before we get in the van we notice that there is a party going on in this building by my wrecked car, I ask her can we go and she says I can just walk into any party!
The End!

Get Shaky!

2009-09-30T19:14:00.001-07:00

All Mixed Up

2009-09-29T19:17:00.000-07:00

On Sunday Mr. Romanian and I went to the Folsom street fair.....against my will, it has never been a dream of mine to attend this "expressive" sex fest, but I went! I knew for sure I never wanted to go the day I saw pictures of a man trying to stuff his own fist up his own ass!!! Thank God I didn't see that on Sunday, but I did see more penis in one day than I have ever seen, more cock rings than I have ever seen and more men than I have ever seen........too bad the majority of the population at this even were gay!! There was this one guy getting tied upside down and then his balls were getting tied separately........um ouch!! The one thing I did enjoy was the spanking booths, even though is was man on man, or chick on chick, it was nice to see that I'm not the only one likes a good slap on the ass from time to time ;)

Okay back to on topic! After the fair Mr. R and I needed to fill our tummy's so we headed over to Farmer Brown, the food was awesome, conversation was going great and then at some point ( I don't remember how it started)he starts talking about us/me. He tells me how sweet I am, how trusting of a person I come off, I come from a good family, I tell good stories, I'm funny, he says he always has a good time with me......then he brings up the trusting part again and I find this to be a little fishy! I told him, what you see is what you get, no bull shit from me, then I asked him should I assume your a trusting person? He smiled and said yes, then he said he feels he can trust me that if we got married I would try to screw things up, he didn't say it in those words but I got the idea, and then he said something along the lines of I hope we can stay friends for a very long time. I was losing my shit but I had to control myself I was in public and I didn't want people to look over at the girl crying! So I just made lots of nods and got very very quiet, he could tell something was wrong and wanted me to talk and I told him we will talk about it when we get back to your place he said fine and started talking about something else. When I tried to engage in the conversation a little tear slipped down my cheek, he got very worried and held my hand and said "sweetie, i'm sorry if I upset you, i didn't mean to I was just sharing how I felt" I ingorned what he said and went to talk about why I don't like having Thanksgiving with my family.

Why was I upset? To boil it down I still down know, I have been eating like a pregnant woman (PMS, or depressed)I want to stay in bed and hid from the world! See when he was telling me all of this at one point I looked up at the sealing and thought "Are you fucking kidding me, God, again?" meaning, I got caught up in the friend category, or the fuck buddy category AGAIN!!! Why cant I just have what everyone else has? I have only been in love once, I would like to have it happen again, I deserve it, both of my female friends have boyfriends so why cant I? I feel I have missed out on so much in life, and by marring a guy to help him become a US citazine, what would it be in it for me? Money, the 2 things would be helping him out and I get paid lots of money he tells me. I told him, my family will always take care of me, so I don't want your money! He said that's fine but I would still give it to you! At this point I wanted the check and get back to his place get my stuff and never see him ever again! When we got to the subway I was really trying to hold back the tears but they just came, he saw and gave me a hug and ask me to talk with him and I told him i'll talk when we get home (lie). We finllay get to his place, I use the bathroom and then go to his room, pick up my stuff and tell him I'm leaving.

I'm crying when I say this, he asks me to sit down on the bed next to him I tell him no, I'm leaving, we are on 2 different pages in what we want from people and I'm not going to waist my time! He pulls me close to the bed and then on his lap, kisses me and asks me to tell him what I was thinking at the restaurant. To be honest the conversation is kind of a blur, I just know I was crying so much and I was so upset! I do remember telling him I want to be in a relationship, I want to be someones girlfreind and maybe down the road I would like to get married but I wouldn't want to marry someone for the reason of what he wants, because I felt (like I said up top) what would it be in it for me? He said I would be giving him this awesome gift, I would probably never have to work, with the ability for him to now get his dream job he would be making so much money I would never have to work...........I dont want your money! He asked me to stay, I said no, it went back and forth, he tried to kiss me and I just turned away. Then he said, "okay, lets forget about this whole thing and lets just carry on like we have been, okay?" I said okay, he added that he likes me a lot, he told me I'm the longest girl he's gone out with for a while, most girls would only last 2 weeks, and we have been together for a month now.

I'm all mixed up! One of my friends said, stay with him until he starts pressuring me into the marriage thing, I kind of liked that idea. My other friend said, I should make him call me his girlfriend being that at some point I am someone he would like to marry, that idea is not bad either!

I'll keep you posted!

September Favorites

2009-09-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

A dream on my arm!

This Givenchy Nightingale bag I would LOVE to have....but its almost 2 grand ;( I need me a sugar daddy!

I'm Not Your Toy!!

I haven't been a big fan of her regular songs, but have enjoyed her remixed songs, but this one needs not to be touched!!

Sparkle me!

This is Karla, from Karla's Closet and when she posted this little number I died!! I went on a hunt for a sparkle top and look what I found....

This screams to be worn around the holidays, don't you agree?

Kate you did it again!

I had been meaning for a while now to get a "rocker" tee, influenced by the Olsen twins but when I saw this photo of Kate I was like "ASP Miss T", so this is what I picked up....I know its not as bad ass as Iron Maiden but I like LZ!!

Fuck me!!!

NICHOLAS KIRKWOOD FOR RODARTE S/S 2010//

Mr. Romanian

2009-09-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

Well, Mr. Romanian and I saw each other over the holiday weekend! To start it off, on Friday my friend and I saw the always crass and funny Kathy Griffin and after the show I was going to meet up Mr. Romanian and check out the Goonies that was playing at the Clay Theater, but plans changed! When I called him after the show he said he was over by Potrero Hill, the place he was at I was not familiar with so I don't him I was not going to go over there. My friend suggested why don't we go over to 16th and Valencia and he can meet us up at one of the bars, I liked that idea! I texted him where we were going and he met us up at one of the bars.I was already a little tipsy when he showed up.......(I was a little bit upset that he was in Patrero Hill and he wanted me to come see him, I also need to shake the nerves and my funk...so a shot of rum it was!!) At one point my friend winked at me.....giving me a "good job" I guess for picking a good one, after a few minutes of meet and greet he went to the little boys room and I asked my friend what did she think of him! From what I can remember she said he was nice looking and she said she thinks he's good for me! He came back, he bought us some drinks, we all talked some more and then my friends man showed up and after this it gets a little fuzzy, but I do remember my friend and her man had to go, and I remember saying goodbye then some how I end up going in a taxi with Mr. Romanian to the bar he was at over in Potrero Hill.

All I wanted was water, I had a little bit too much for T, so he got me some water and showed me around the place. He said he knows the owners, so he gets drinks for free and VIP service........I told him, this does not impress me, unless you get free designer cloths and shoes now we are talking! No such luck!! Anyways, he takes me to some VIP room and we talk for a while and then he takes me up stares and we talk some more and then we kiss and he asked if I'm hungry (when am I not hungry?!) so his freind drove up to this place to have a bit to eat and he said after this we are going back to his place and I said no, he said "yes, I want to keep talking with you, plus its really late and I bet finding a cab to take you back home will be hard (this was true)". I said fine, we get in a cab to go to his place, he askes the driver to stop off at Safeway.....I'm thinking this guy is going to run in to get condoms, but I was wrong! See when we got food, I ordered onion in my food and as I was eating it it dawned on me this was a bad idea because I was going to have onion breath! Mr. Romanian didnt care, he thought it was funny and kissed me anyways, but he could see it bothered me so what do you think he picked up at Safeway?? When we got out of the cab and walked to his door he asked me what I thought he picked up and I told him a tooth brush, he laughed and said I was right! All I wanted to do was to go to bed, I was so fucking tired, but I had a hunch it was not going to be that easy......we did it. It was whatever, at little too "jack-rabbit" for me!

The next morning I met one of his roommates, man was she a trip (I'll maybe talk about her next time), he was very insistent on taking me out for breakfast as I want so hot on the idea! I looked like a crack whore who was obviously wearing "night time cloths" and really just wanted to get home! But he wasn't having it, so some how I pull my look together and looked some what less crack whore (thank God for sunglasses)and as we were walking to the cafe he was kissing me and telling me nice things, and talking about the next time we see each other.........it was nice!!! After breakfast he walked me to the metro, kissed goodbye once the N came. Now I was very curious to see was he really going to contact me after all of this and how he was going to treat me at school when we would see each other. He called me on Sunday, he asked if I could come over to watch a movie, we did, went to bed the sex this time was WAY better, but the 3rd time was the real charm!! When Tuesday came and we saw each other I wanted to see if this was real or have a fallen in the fuck buddy realm AGAIN!! NOPE!!! Mr. Romanian was all hugs, kisses and hand holding.........awwwwwww, have I met a guy who really wants to be with me, have I, have I ???? I fucking hope so!!! My gay guy met him the other day and he told me I'm a lucky bitch, he thinks Mr. Romanian is hot and has a nice ass...........he does have a nice ass!!

Why, Why, Why????

2009-09-02T10:25:00.001-07:00

Why is it right when you delete a guys number they call you, text you with in that week? WHY!!?? I really don't get it!! I deleted The Romanian's number on Monday, I thought I'll keep him in my phone from the day I got it till the weekend and if he didn't contact me I would delete it, he didn't contact me so bye bye Mr. Romanian! But I just received a text from him just now, 2 days later from delete!! Maybe I should do this more often.........like every number I get from a guy I should just delete right away and with in a few hours or days they will contact me, I also don't run the chance of feeling desperate to call or text them like a looser..........yes I'm liking this idea very much!! BUT, I don't like it when you delete a guy's number who has broken your heart and calls/text's you, no matter what they all call/text you once you delete them from your phone...........WHY????? And we are the hard to figure out ones!!

Good Day!

2009-08-27T18:27:00.000-07:00

The weather today finely decided to give us a summer day, thanks Mother Nature!! I put together a dam cute outfit if I do say so myself (wish I took a picture!). Anyways, as I was sitting out front of class (20 min early) rummaging though my bag I looked up for a second because I herd some talking going on just a ways down the hall, 2 guys, teacher and student, nothing interesting, look back down to put some lotion and SPF on my hands and out of the corner of my eye I see the student pass by me and stop. I do love when my woman's intuition is right because I knew this guy was going to turn around, come up and talk to me........he did! He said something along the lines of "You don't like dry hands?" not the best conversation starter but, who am I to judge! I said yes, and then I said I also don't like burnt hands, and showed him the bottle of SPF, he smiled, introduced himself and sat down. He's from Romania, we talked for a bit before he had to go to his next class, he complemented me on my way of thinking....I liked this complement very much!! He asked me for my number and I gave it to him, no big hopes for the phone call, if anything it was kind of nice to get hit on being that as of lately my guy situation has been not that great!

My sports class is actually VERY interesting and I'm really happy about it!! Last week we watched this video about these corporate guys making money off of athletes, the things they "make" them do, then they showed what goes on around the world, this part was sad! Some place in the middle east they have Camel racing and some of these families are so poor they will sell their boy as young as 3 to ride the camel, these boys are treated so bad; if they don't win a race the men beat and rape them!!! They interviewed this one little boy and he said "Yesterday I didn't win the race so they raped me" he said it like it was no big deal, my heart dropped and I felt sick!! Its really sad what people will do for money and its even more sad when children are involved!! Today's video was the rise and fall of this UFC fighter Mark Kerr , really great documentary, but sad at the same time.

After class was done I met up with my friend and both of us didn't have anything to do for the rest of the day so we decided to go have lunch, we picked West Portal, and had a fabulous lunch at Squat & Gobble Cafe, sat outside,the weather was so nice to do so and chatted it up like 2 old hens, oh how I love me a gay man! I also love a lunch buzz too!! After lunch we went our separate ways home, and I made it home just in time to catch a few rays........like I said it was a good day!!

1996

2009-08-26T22:18:00.000-07:00

I loved this song when I was in 6th grade, I thought it had the coolest background sound I had ever herd!

A jumble of things....

2009-08-25T20:52:00.000-07:00

Shirley.
School has started and so far so good..........surprisingly!! My math class, or I should say my math teacher seems cool (cute guy in my class, but we will get to him next time) and so do the teacher aids, but for sure I don't think I would be in this state of mind if it wasn't for my most awesome privet tutor, she really is my godsend!!! On Monday, right before I was going to go into my tutoring center I decided to use the bathroom, when I was coming out of the stall who do I see washing her hands is this girl who I would talk with when I used to work on campus; she worked in one of the rooms I would visit often. I asked how she was and how are her classes, how was her summer, she said her summer wasn't good, I told her mine was okay as well, then she adds "oh I think my summer was the worst then anybody else s!". I look at her and I can see her eyes filling up with water, she tells me her Dad died over the summer, I felt sooooooooooooooo bad!!!!! I asked her did he have health problems or was it a freak accident? She said no one knows if he had health problems because he refused to see a doctor, then she said that one day she came over to the house and he was complaining that he was in pain, he burnt himself while eating soup, she asked if she could see where it hurt but he wouldn't show her; she wasn't in the mood to fight with him so she left, when she came back 12 hours later to show him something she bought for him he was lying in bed not moving and she just knew he wasn't sleeping! As selfish as this is going to sound as she's telling me all of this all I could think about is how the fuck would I be able to cope with school, even though I'm not that close to my father I still love him. It was a little uniform to see her cry being that this girl is a touch cookie (reasons why I like her), so it was nice to see she had a soft side : / I felt really bad, I asked her has she thought about talking with someone, she said she wasn't interested.....I let that go, didn't want to push it, I kind of get lost for words when sad incidences happen, so all I could think of was asking if I could give her a hug........and I gave a good one too :) I wanted to talk more with her but I was already 5 minutes late for my tutor center, so I told her it was good to see her and I will stop by to check up on her, gave her another good hug and told her she is a strong young women, you will be okay!

I do believe she will be okay, at some point we will have to face this, it just happened too soon for my friend!

Bad Ass!
A few weeks ago everyone who I wanted to hang out with was doing there own thing and I really wanted to go to the event that was going on at the Lower Haighters Gallery.....tons of hot guys show up to this once a month event!!! Anyways, this girl who I would only see at her work or some social gatherings I would attend to sometimes, we kind of said we would make an effort to hang out outside of all of that, and I was interested in this, being that she is the only single female that I know now! Cant really go hunting for dick when a chick who is spoken for. Anyways, I call her up and ask if she would like to go, she said sure, she brought one of her friends along and we all go........the event didn't get a good turn out this time and I was a little embarrassed, but they were cool with it, so we stop off at a bar near by to have a drink and then head back over to our neighborhood bar. Now the most awesome thing happened to me......before we go into the bar she wants to smoke a cigarette and I happen to have some cloves on me so I decide to join her, as we are shooting the shit before we go in the bar she just out of the blue tells me I'm a bad ass!! At first I had to make her repeat it, she says it again and then adds "I never really got to know you until tonight and you are a bad ass, I always thought you were kind prude (I think I am) but your cool man!" Now, who knows if she really meant it, maybe she was just kissing my ass, all I know NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS would I ever think anyone would EVER call me a bad ass!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!! Maybe she is so wrong, but all i know is that it felt good, it was the best complement in a long time and I still think about it :)

I want to be just like her!
I went to the long weekend event called Homo-A-GoGo, my friends and I only went to see the group Glass Candy because it had been a group we had been meaning to see for a while now but kept missing them when they would come to the city. Anyways, may I just say what an amazing proformas! After a few songs she would talk to us and her vibe was so positive it was so awesome, her dancing was awesome and so was her hair!!!! When they were done my friend and I couldn't stop talking about how we would like to be her friend, ha!! Next time they come back to the city I hope to see them again!!

Unexpected phone call!

2009-08-24T17:20:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday night was setting up my new cell phone when a random number called my cell, it was around 10ish and most of the time I don't pick up random number calls but I think my brain wasn't thinking so I pick up. I say "hello?" "T. hey its Surfer Guy..." HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He then adds "I guess you dont have me in your phone anymore the way you answered, and I dont blame you" "Your right I dont" he adds, "Look I'm really glad you picked up, I'm calling to say I'm sorry" "okay..." "I have been thinking alot about you and how the way everything ended wasn't very nice on my part and there was a reason why I didnt want to kiss you or hold your hand that night was because I get like blisters on the side of my lip sometimes if my face gets sunburn from surfing and I didnt want you to kiss me because I thought it would be gross". I tell him, I didnt even notice it, then he tells me over and over and over again how sorry he was and says he thinks we could have been something together. I tell him that as much as he is easy on the eyes he is not easy with the personalty!! "Ouch" he says, then he asks to see me!!!!! I asked him why, what would be the point, he says he feels he has more to say..........as much as this guy hurt me and made me cry, I do find him very cute and amazing in bed!! I tell him fine, so I go to his place the next night and we talk for a long time, it more shoot the shit talk, I thought we would be talking about "us", then he comes closer to me and we kiss...parts get touched and I end it right when he says he wants to be inside of me........FUCK NO AM I HAVING SEX WITH THIS DUDE, EVEN IF HE'S GOOD IN BED!!!! I can tell he's a little bit upset (I DONT CARE!!). He gets up to leave the room, but before he leaves he asks if I would like some water, I say yes, he comes back with water for me and a beer for himself. We start talking agian and I tell him this story about this lady at school and he brought up that I expect too much of people; when he said this it made me think about my last blog on how I view people in my life and he was right, I do expect too much from people!!

We keep talking, but all the conversations feel forced and it was kind of exhausting for me and I wanted to leave but wasn't sure how to go about it until he tells me about his roommate that just broke up with this girlfriend and I guess how he just said to her its over and now every time he try's to call her she wont pick up....I said "well can you blame her?", Surfer Guy lost his shit and said "why would you say that!!" I look at him like "wtf dude" I was so confused, its my opinion, I can say whatever I want, I didn't know what to say, he tells me he wasn't done with the story. Okay so you know when your talking with someone and they are telling you a story and maybe they stop the story for a second but you know they are going to keep going and you pick up that cue? Well Surfer Guy did not give me any sign that there was more to this story, AT ALL!!! He stays on why would I say something like that and I am so over all of this, I start to put my boots and coat on and he flips out again "why are you leaving?" (because your crazy!!!) I tell him that "I think this is not going very well and I dont like all the questions your asking me!" He says he's sorry and he didnt mean to upset me, I stand up, so does hi, he walks me to the door and he has the nerve to ask to see me on Saturday!!!! I look up at him and I said "Surfer Guy we keep getting into arguments, this is not going to work, and I think it was never meant to work" he gives me a hug and says "sorry" again. I turn to walk away and he says "I'll talk with you later". THE FUCK YOU WONT!!! If that fucker contacts me again I think I'll call the police!!!!

As I was driving home Black Eyed Peas was playing "and tonight's going to be good night", I found it to be the opposite from what my night was but then I thought, no, it was a good night! I learned something out that visit! 1. I expect too much from people, 2. Once an ass whole, always an ass whole and 3. If you have a hunch something is not a good idea, don't do it!!!

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling from UniversalMusicGroup on Vimeo.

August Favorites

2009-08-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

I think this dress is just stunning! It's by Alxender McQueen, I thought about how it would look with black instead of the yellow and then the black lace part would be white, but that would be to ordinary/expected? The yellow is very unexpected and the lace (if that's what it is) is breath taking...good job McQueen!!

Antonio Berardi collection I LOVE, there are very few peaces in the fall/winter 09/10 collection that I don't like. They are all very simple with some of my favoret colors!

http://www.style.com/fashionshows/complete/slideshow/2010RST-ABERARDI/

This Jil Sander shoe I think is HOT HOT HOT, and the moment I saw it I dreamed of wearing it, hens DREAM!!

We all have a little "she wolf" in our closet!! I think this is Sherika's best song yet, the dancing is CRAZY GOOD, but I will say the end is a little cheesy, but they show a fake background of SF so that's cool!

SheWolf from C. Enrique B. on Vimeo.

Brilliant!

2009-08-17T16:56:00.000-07:00

Sonny Groo from Stylelikeu.com from Stylelikeu on Vimeo.

Its very hard to have any kind of relationship he said.

2009-08-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was home on a Saturday night and I checked the T.V. Guide to see what was on, I saw this show was going to be coming up in a few minutes called "Your Brain In Love". The romantic that I am I had to check it out. The show starts and its this little guy who came across as kind of creepy/gay but then mentioned that he had a wife (as my mother says, "that doesn't always mean anything"!). His name is Dr. Daniel Amen and he first started to talk about people who have damaged brains, like from car accidents or from drug and alcohol use to people who have not had any of that happen to them. He went on talking about the battle of the sexes, how when men are at rest 70% of their brain is not working, so when you want to ask them something you need to use simple words and keep it a short sentence; unlike women, when we are at rest only 90% of our brain is not working, but in a way its not really resting, we are still thinking (so true, when I'm watching T.V., I'm thinking what I have to do tomorrow). All of this was interesting, but kind of like, I've already herd this before stuff until he brought up people with ADD/ADHD, now he got my attention!

To my knowledge, I have not be tested for ADD/ADHD, but I don't know for sure. Dr. Amen said that people who have a ADD/ADHD think with the front part of their brain (I think dyslexic's do too) unlike people who don't have ADD/ADHD. So for the front brain thinkers, they don't really do the whole think before you speak thing and that can you get you into trouble sometimes if your in a serious relationship! He says people who have this benefit from being on meds that helps you THINK before you speak! I found this VERY interesting, because I am known to just say whats on my mind, sometimes very honest or blunt, once in a blue moon it has gotten me into trouble, but I feel I think before I speak......I'm just honest in what comes out of my mouth! But it did get me thinking, do I think before I speak? And then I also started to think about all of my relationships, friends and guy's I have dated have never really worked out and has the reason for this been because of me?

Looking back in the past I have never really had a satisfying friendship and dudeship, all of them have screwed me over one way or another. I have talked about this in the past that I do put people on a pedestal, for friends its waiting for them to disappoint me and with guys expecting them to disappoint me. Is this wrong? I was talking about this with some girls over the weekend and they said no, but in a way I think it is, I mean I do have trust issues but do I have relationship issues as well? I have been hanging out with my cousin lately and when we get together we gossip and such, and she tells me about guys she has dated and what selfish thing one of her friends are/did to her and I have been thinking that this is just life! Yes, maybe I do have over the map relationship problems, but also no one is perfect and no matter what kind of relationship you are in with someone, friend, co-worker, boyfriend,bla bla bla, they are all going to disappoint you in some way.

I think its hard for me to understand this, when somethings goes wrong it really brings me down and the first thing I think of is "delete", cut it out of my life because its hard for me to see a solution to the problem. In the past few day's I've been thinking maybe I'm better off being alone because dealing/socializing with other people can be really overwhelming for me at times........Dr. Amen can you help me, or am I doomed for life?

Caleb Followill you can use me!

2009-08-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

Sex is on fire from PirateSmoothie on Vimeo.

even Lykke Li knows what's up!

Exclusive Video of Lykke Li Covering Kings of Leon Live in KNRK studio from Dave Allen on Vimeo.

One more week of summer.

2009-08-10T09:04:00.000-07:00

School starts for me next week and this week is my last week of summer....kind of sad. My summer hasn't been the greatest, but I have learned somethings this summer about my friends and my life. It has all been very useful information that I have gathered up over the past 3 months, and I'm a big believer on everything happens for a reason and what better time then now? I'm crossing my fingers really hard and ready to work harder then I've ever worked in my life to pass this math class and if it means going out less (as of lately I have been) then so be it. I want to make my dreams come true in the spring.....if all goes well I will have a job save the money and live with roommates, and be out of the most foggy part of the city!! I'm also willing to sacrifice not getting laid till now to December........BUT if the opportunity comes along I will not turn away from it, I'm just not going to hunt for it like I usually do; math is more important!!

I know when I put all my hard work into something the results show, I feel better about myself, it also helps to set a reward. Yes the big reward would to get a job and leave the nest but I've been itching to get my ass over to NYC for a long time now and so has one of my guy friends who lives over there. If I pass, NYC is my reward!!!

Let the challenge begin!!

Lady Gaga sing for me girl!!

2009-08-05T11:34:00.001-07:00

My Birthday Party!

2009-08-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

Was hit! One of my friends offered to go with me to the bar, so that was nice of her. It was funny when her and her boyfriend and I got on the N, her old roommates where on it and then a few stops, some other people go on the N who I invited to my party, it was cute! A few people didn't show up that I was kind of hoping to see but it was fine. Almost everyone bought me a drink and I got nicely stoned, it was great! .I realized why I was nervous, I had never thrown a party this big for myself (it wasn't very big) but all of my birthday parties have been like no more then 4-5 people so this was different for me! Everyone loved my outfit, but no one said anything about the red lipstick, I was really iffy about wearing it being that the last time I wore red lipstick was back in like 8th grade...well it was more red/brown/rusty, anyways to see my lips look all 3D was weird, but I'm glad I did it and I think it will be a look I might do more often!!

Fake leather skirt from UO, coat from Good Will, AA tee, DKNY hoes and Farylrobin suede ankle booties!