On Febuary 18th 2016 was the day of my surgery, my left ovary needed to be removed it could not be saved. Surgery I think is a very very scary thing. It also doesnt make things eaiser when your doctor or the nurses around you dont tell you everyhing...like what to expect after surgery!! After I woke up from surgery, I felt so sick and I was cold and I felt like I was having a really bad period cramp. Apperently I was moving around too much and talking too much , so the nurses drugged me up to shut me up...bitches! I remember waking up agian, 2 nurses were at the end of my feet and then one of them reached up my legs to take out gauz that was in my vagina....and taking that out was NOT FUN!!! I think I passed out again, then woke up with my loving parents sitting across from me. Before I went into surgery, my parents were crying so was I, I'm sure if must have been hard to see your daughter at 32 years old need such a surgery. So when i saw them sitting across form them it was so nice. I was in and out of it for the rest of that day and even into the next morning; the doctor and my parents felt I needed to stay the night at the hospital, it was a good idea. Morphine is a very powerful drug, I was lucky that I got a room to myself because I was talking to myself like a crazy lady!! When it was time to take my first pee the nurse was not that nice, she rushed me, so I told her to not! I also had gas stuck in my shoulder....yes gas!! The doctor used gas to expand my body for surgery....WTF!!!! So it took a second try to finally pee and when I did I was expecting blood, but no it was blue!! YES BLUE!!! That was from sloution they put in you as well from surgery....fuck all of this! The boyfriend came to viset, he was odd and nervous, that made me feel good (not). The next day when I got home I slept most of the day, my Mom took care of me and then the boyfriend. I felt so depressed it was aweful, I was crying non stop. I was spotting so much that at one point I couldnt take it anymore, if I saw any more blood come out of my vagina I was going to pass out!! So I had to ask my boyfriend to help clean me up and put a new pad on because I just couldnt do it, he did, that was very nice of him.

I hate that this happend to me, I already feel like a freak and now I feel even more so. What I experenced made me feel I really dont want kids. I don't wish this on any women.

I'm going to therapy, its a new therpist and she's fucking awesome!!

it must come out

I had an MRI last week, the experience was alright. The tight space didnt bother me at all the noise the machine is very loud and kind of reminds me of EMD music. The tech people give you 2 shots, the first one slows down the movement in your abdomen and the second one I dont remember what it was for, but the second shot I cried because they had to use a butterfly needle. This week (today) I went to my doctors for a fallow up and she told me that I have a cyst on my left side that is the size of a grapefruit, its 8 cysts in a cluster and they are called chocolate cysts. They are called that because the cysts are filled with dead blood! Yay me!! My doctor will try to remove the cysts with out removing my ovary but it might not be possible....good news folks I still have another overy, my right one! Can this just be a bad dream and I get to wake up now?