When you realize you have outgrown something its hard to deal with it, it has always been for me. I make myself ignore that it really is going to be this way from now on, my feelings are different, no excitement anymore, i'm sad now.
I was thinking about my hair yesterday when I got off the bus to walk home from work, I remember when I had highlights and I was always cutting it short, I didn't really care, it was all about me, having fun and now when I look at my hair I see a responsibility and a "look" i need to keep up, if it wasn't lesbo/cult/would be very cold look I would just save it off.
Last night when I came home, I did some reading and then.....I was board, I wanted to do something, I dont know if I wanted to go out, it was Tue, my show is on Tue night. I was thinking about the girls I had as friends in 7-8th grade we would talk on the phone for hours about god know's what, I wish i had some of that last night, just a good girl gab. I don't remember the last time I had some gab.
I'm angry, I'm angry with myself, with some people in my life, my life, with some family. I feel I have ruined things and it will never be able to be fixed. You can't run away from your problems but I have been thinking this, but I can't I'm bad with managing money on my own and I dont like to be by myself in places I dont know enough about.
I miss some of my past and I miss excitement.
