I had been feeling really really good from the time of New Years up until last week. The weekend was such a disappointment....well Sunday was nice, I got to go to Target and Trader Joe's.......wanna make me happy take me to those places! Saturday was such a nice day, and what was I doing, math homework and then sitting on my ass watching t.v! I wanted to call my friends but I felt it was too late in the day, and I also had to take care of a kid later that evening anyways.
On Monday (yesterday) my math teacher came over to sit next to me because he could see I was having trouble with my fractions........I HATE FRACTIONS! Improper, mixed, whole, reduce to lowest terms, WHO GIVES A FUCK??? I know it would help if I knew my times tables, I only know a few numbers, the 2's, half of the 3's and all the 5's, the rest just don't stick. My teacher talks so loud that it drives me nuts, I had to divide one of the problems and I did it really fast, he was impressed by this that he said "wow, did you practice math over winter break!?" I wanted to die...I didn't say anything but I'm sure my face did, I was bright red, I hate the fact that I'm taking this class again, and it doesn't help when the cute guy in your class is sitting at the same table with you!
Sometimes I do my best thinking in the shower.....I have a routine, after I'm done with everything, soap up, shampoo, condition, and wash the face I like to bend half way and put my hands on my thighs and look down, feeling the warm water hit my back and watch the water go down my legs onto my feel and into the drain. I was thinking about one of my friends how her job at one point was on the line, she was close to loosing it and how hard it must have been to make herself get up every morning, get ready for work, go to work and spend 8 hours at a place with people who don't think very highly of her at the moment. And then I thought, how hard it is for me to enter a class that I have taken before, expose my deepest flaw that I am so embarrassed about, and wants to quit because I don't see myself reaching to chapter 9, I'll be lucky if i get to chapter 5! How did she do it? I can see how this job is her source for survival, with this class its kind of my source for my future, but I could kind of care less, I'm not striving to be anything great in life! Will I truly be respected more if I have a degree? Its the lowest degree EVER, is it really going to matter?
This is hard on my ego, my confidence, twice a week I expose myself, twice a week I feel like shit, twice a week I feel like whats the point in all of this. It would be nice to have some cheerleaders by my side, routing me on, "come on T you can do this!". I wouldn't feel like a frailer in life if I didn't pass this class, the only thing that would bug me if I didn't pass would be when I'm out at the bar or a party or some social gathering and I get asked my most favorite question (not), "are you in school" and I can proudly say NO, I'm done! I feel I'm missing out on so much in life and this class, this one class that I need to pass to be done with school is holding me back. When everything is going great for me, when I'm in a happy mood life seems to like to end the party for me! Yesterday I got in the mail jury duty for next month, perfect! I was planing on highly possibly taking a trip to NYC around my spring break, is it wise now to buy a ticket, when I could be in jury duty on my spring break? FUCK!!
I was happy a full month, 2010 was going to be my friend not my disappointment! Where are the cheerleaders?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
It was the thought that counts
I love to go out of my way for my family and friends...and even sometimes for people I dont know very well, its just something in life that I enjoy very much; unfortunately its rarely reciprocated back!
In the last year my cousin and I have become very close, I think after she had her daughter and I started to take care of her I think she started to see the real me? My cousin is a little less than 10 years older than me and her and I were never really close like as we are now. I felt she kind of picked on me when I was younger and felt I was this big nerd, I also felt she thought I was really spoiled; this was hard for me because I got teased a lot when I was younger and I was kind of a nerd and I do admit between her and her brother, my brother and I kind of did get the longer end of the stick. But I don't feel, at least I hope I never come off this way, that I have ever rubbed anything in anyone's face. If anything I get uncomfortable talking about....for example something I just bought!
I think my cousin has seen over the year that if you NEED ME I'll be there! If you ask me to do something I'LL DO IT, and I'm also a great listener and LOVE to give advice!! So when she gave me a VERY thoughtful x-mass gift it was completely unexpected! And when she called me last week to ask if I could come out with her and her husband for drinks to meet this guy who she has been wanting me to meet, not because she thinks we would like each other but this guy would be a good networking friend, I was a little taken back by this too! Sadly my friends who have boyfriends/husbands oddly enough don't seem to know any single male's.....or if they do (they know how picky I am) I guess he's not worth introducing? This guy that my cousin wanted me to meet, she used to work with him and he is around my age, a little bit older, she told me that he goes out all the time and he has lots of guy friends.....great!!
So we all meet up at The Broken Record, and good thing that my cousin knew we would not like each other "in that way" because he did nothing for me! He also seemed a little bit too goofy me.....I know, what? He was also VERY harmless....this made me wonder were possibly his guy friends like this too? There was word that night that some of his friends were coming, but it ended up being I guess his female friends, LAME! What was also even lamer was all these girls looked SO BORING....and they were!!! This guy and I didn't talk much because I guess one of the girls in the group he had the hots for and was trying to make his move.......its called you have to grab your balls dude!! The night was kind of a bust, but I did have fun with my cousin and her husband!! And it was the thought that counts that my cousin was thinking of me in hope that this guy and I would exchange numbers and possibly hang out and meet his guy friends....no such luck!
In the last year my cousin and I have become very close, I think after she had her daughter and I started to take care of her I think she started to see the real me? My cousin is a little less than 10 years older than me and her and I were never really close like as we are now. I felt she kind of picked on me when I was younger and felt I was this big nerd, I also felt she thought I was really spoiled; this was hard for me because I got teased a lot when I was younger and I was kind of a nerd and I do admit between her and her brother, my brother and I kind of did get the longer end of the stick. But I don't feel, at least I hope I never come off this way, that I have ever rubbed anything in anyone's face. If anything I get uncomfortable talking about....for example something I just bought!
I think my cousin has seen over the year that if you NEED ME I'll be there! If you ask me to do something I'LL DO IT, and I'm also a great listener and LOVE to give advice!! So when she gave me a VERY thoughtful x-mass gift it was completely unexpected! And when she called me last week to ask if I could come out with her and her husband for drinks to meet this guy who she has been wanting me to meet, not because she thinks we would like each other but this guy would be a good networking friend, I was a little taken back by this too! Sadly my friends who have boyfriends/husbands oddly enough don't seem to know any single male's.....or if they do (they know how picky I am) I guess he's not worth introducing? This guy that my cousin wanted me to meet, she used to work with him and he is around my age, a little bit older, she told me that he goes out all the time and he has lots of guy friends.....great!!
So we all meet up at The Broken Record, and good thing that my cousin knew we would not like each other "in that way" because he did nothing for me! He also seemed a little bit too goofy me.....I know, what? He was also VERY harmless....this made me wonder were possibly his guy friends like this too? There was word that night that some of his friends were coming, but it ended up being I guess his female friends, LAME! What was also even lamer was all these girls looked SO BORING....and they were!!! This guy and I didn't talk much because I guess one of the girls in the group he had the hots for and was trying to make his move.......its called you have to grab your balls dude!! The night was kind of a bust, but I did have fun with my cousin and her husband!! And it was the thought that counts that my cousin was thinking of me in hope that this guy and I would exchange numbers and possibly hang out and meet his guy friends....no such luck!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Too good not to share!
The fact that his junk is dancing in his pants in slow motion made me want to post this!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ms. H, this reminded me of you!
By the way I am WAY into this show, Its not "real" I know but I LOVE Liz!!!!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Embarrassing Pleasure
I found when I was taking care of the 3yr old boy and he wanted me to color with him I got very excited because I really like to color in coloring books!! And when I was going out with Mr. Romain, I was feeling kind of stressed out around that time in my life and I remembered that coloring made me feel relaxed, so I went out and bought some coloring books, markers and crayons. I also liked to color the monthly picture Trader Joe's would provide, too bad I didn't take a picture of the Thanksgiving one, I was really proud of that! I know I'm way to old for this but I really enjoy it and it makes me happy and I think that's way more important!!
(My brother felt the elves needed fangs, and he also felt that they should be giving the snow man family a bomb.....was not happy about this!!)
(My favorite girl!)
(This one took forever to color!)
(Mostly by crayons)
(Not really a fan of this one)
(My brother felt the elves needed fangs, and he also felt that they should be giving the snow man family a bomb.....was not happy about this!!)
(My favorite girl!)
(This one took forever to color!)
(Mostly by crayons)
(Not really a fan of this one)
Monday, January 18, 2010
Old stopping grounds and Hawaii reflections
My family and I went to see my ant her husband in Hawaii, the trip was really nice even though I got more bug bites than a tan!! The couple that helps out on the property are around my age and last summer the girl just started to take Bikram yoga, I was going to go with her but I got a nasty sunburn and then my period started....it was best I didn't go. But this time, no sunburn and period free, YAY!!! All I had ever herd from people was that Bikram is hard core, its a great challenge, its good for this, its good for that, bla bla bla; I couldn't look at the positive stuff I all could focus on was the scary stuff like your in a room that's 105!! I also had herd you can feel nauseous or faint, but Casey said don't worry if you feel that way you can step outside, everyone is really nice in the class. So I did it, last week on Wed, and....drum roll...it was not a challenge at all!!! Sorry!!! The heat was whatever, the poses was whatever, well I should t really say that there were 2 poses I couldn't do, it involved me arching my back backwards....Camel pose? I thought I was going to throw up, I forget the other one, but all the rest was easy. The second day I went Fri, Casey and I felt it was a little bit hotter in the room than the last time, and I don't know if having a salty lunch played a roll in it but I sweated so much on Fir that I was dripping!! I'm not sure if I want to take up a class, there is one kind of close to my house 5 min street care ride, it was cool but not really a challenging for me like I thought it was going to be. There is this other activity that I have been wanting to try out for a while now, its a secret for now :)
After dinner my bother and I would watch a movie, him and I had been wanting to see 500 Days of Summer, so that's what we watched.....lame!! My brother loved it but I thought it was such a disappointment! That night I was thinking why I didn't like this film so much......well the girl has been like almost every guy I have ever dated; like I seem to always be way more into the guy than the guy is into me. And also I didn't like that the guy in the movie didn't tell her she's a fucked up in the head bitch!!We also watched The Hangover and that I LOVED, it also got me thinking after the movie, even though what went on in the movie could highly doubtfully happen in real life, I did feel that I need to live my life more like a party.
With that,before I left for Hawaii, I went out last Friday night, I hung out with my friends co-worker, she lives out in the Nob Hill area, where my Ex used to live, I never go out that way anymore so it was a little funny to see what some of the places we used to go to for lunch or dinner/drinks looked like now (some the same and some closed). I was the first one to arrive to her place and she couldnt stop talking about the awesome weed my brother had given her and then how her guy friend from college was coming over in a few minutes and she said I was going to like him....little did I know I would....! Her friend arrived and um, well, hello Indie Clark Kent, hot, hot, hot, I was high as a kite and kind of tipsy from the vodka and soda, this guy had huge harry arms and was manly all over, I wanted to rip his cloths off and screw this guy till the sun came up........BUT I played it cool....for the time being!! After her other friends arrived, her neighbor stopped by, this guy was so creepy I was ready to punch him in the face. We offered if he wanted to smoke but he said he was already high from smoking with his friends...I think he was on something else, we asked him where he's from and says New Mexico, I told him "NM, you forget about that state, when you think of the US, you don't think of NM" he said that he has talked with some people who didn't even know that we have a sate called New Mexico....dumb asses!!
At some point I start talking with Mr. Creepy and he finds out that I'm an SF native, he said this city must have cool to grow up in as a child, and I said yes, but now it I think its kind of lame for kids, this used to be a family city but now its not anymore. I dont know how the conversation turned for the worst, but some how I said, when I tell people I'm a native they think I'm ether gay, I grew up in a Victorian house or I smoke pot....only one would be true, then this fucker adds or your a hipster, then he looks me up and down and smirks!!! I said "wow I never herd that one before, I think most of the hipsters come from LA, I look hipster to you?" "well your wearing a lot of black" "Oh no, I just worship the devil, that's why I wear a lot of black" Indie Clark Kent got a kick out that, and I turned all of my attention to him, Mr. Creepy left and so did we!!
I don't remember what bar we went to or what area of the city, but I do remember having LOTS of FUN!!! Indie Clark Kent and I were talking and flirting, he was trying to be a gentleman my not grabbing my ass, he felt just grazing it every now and then was safe ;) I don't remember leaving to go to the other bar, but I do remember it was really pretty inside and ICK know who La Roux was and then I for sure wanted him to grab my ass!! Some electro/hip hop mix was playing I asked him if he likes to dance and he said yes (score) so everyone is dancing and he comes up behind me and starts to dance with me; I normally would get freaked out by this but I was so drunk and stoned and I didn't care!! I remember tuning around to tell him he's a good dancer and gab about something else but then he drove in for a kiss and we kissed it felt like for hours, and yes he grabbed my ass, finally!! I had to pull away because I thought we were going to get in trouble by the bar, he sat down to the bench by us and had me sit on his lap, he wanted to kiss some more and so we did; then the lights went on (2am) and we left the bar and hopped in a cab and headed back to my friends place.
When we all got inside I had to pee like a mofo, after I was done I went to wash my hands and I looked in the mirror and my top lip was all black and blue!!! I looked like someone punched my upper lip, I was like "wtf happened??" and then I realized I was seriously sucking face with ICK, we were biting....it was awesome, but the end result not to much!! I head over to ICK and I show him what he did to my lip, he laughed and said he was sorry, I sleep off my drunkenness and sneaked out at 5am to head back home....finding a cab sucked but I got one.
I had SO MUCH FUN, when I was watching The Hangover I was thinking about last Friday and thinking how I need to have fun like that more often!! Even if I have to pay the price for a hangover the next morning and a bruised lip!!
After dinner my bother and I would watch a movie, him and I had been wanting to see 500 Days of Summer, so that's what we watched.....lame!! My brother loved it but I thought it was such a disappointment! That night I was thinking why I didn't like this film so much......well the girl has been like almost every guy I have ever dated; like I seem to always be way more into the guy than the guy is into me. And also I didn't like that the guy in the movie didn't tell her she's a fucked up in the head bitch!!We also watched The Hangover and that I LOVED, it also got me thinking after the movie, even though what went on in the movie could highly doubtfully happen in real life, I did feel that I need to live my life more like a party.
With that,before I left for Hawaii, I went out last Friday night, I hung out with my friends co-worker, she lives out in the Nob Hill area, where my Ex used to live, I never go out that way anymore so it was a little funny to see what some of the places we used to go to for lunch or dinner/drinks looked like now (some the same and some closed). I was the first one to arrive to her place and she couldnt stop talking about the awesome weed my brother had given her and then how her guy friend from college was coming over in a few minutes and she said I was going to like him....little did I know I would....! Her friend arrived and um, well, hello Indie Clark Kent, hot, hot, hot, I was high as a kite and kind of tipsy from the vodka and soda, this guy had huge harry arms and was manly all over, I wanted to rip his cloths off and screw this guy till the sun came up........BUT I played it cool....for the time being!! After her other friends arrived, her neighbor stopped by, this guy was so creepy I was ready to punch him in the face. We offered if he wanted to smoke but he said he was already high from smoking with his friends...I think he was on something else, we asked him where he's from and says New Mexico, I told him "NM, you forget about that state, when you think of the US, you don't think of NM" he said that he has talked with some people who didn't even know that we have a sate called New Mexico....dumb asses!!
At some point I start talking with Mr. Creepy and he finds out that I'm an SF native, he said this city must have cool to grow up in as a child, and I said yes, but now it I think its kind of lame for kids, this used to be a family city but now its not anymore. I dont know how the conversation turned for the worst, but some how I said, when I tell people I'm a native they think I'm ether gay, I grew up in a Victorian house or I smoke pot....only one would be true, then this fucker adds or your a hipster, then he looks me up and down and smirks!!! I said "wow I never herd that one before, I think most of the hipsters come from LA, I look hipster to you?" "well your wearing a lot of black" "Oh no, I just worship the devil, that's why I wear a lot of black" Indie Clark Kent got a kick out that, and I turned all of my attention to him, Mr. Creepy left and so did we!!
I don't remember what bar we went to or what area of the city, but I do remember having LOTS of FUN!!! Indie Clark Kent and I were talking and flirting, he was trying to be a gentleman my not grabbing my ass, he felt just grazing it every now and then was safe ;) I don't remember leaving to go to the other bar, but I do remember it was really pretty inside and ICK know who La Roux was and then I for sure wanted him to grab my ass!! Some electro/hip hop mix was playing I asked him if he likes to dance and he said yes (score) so everyone is dancing and he comes up behind me and starts to dance with me; I normally would get freaked out by this but I was so drunk and stoned and I didn't care!! I remember tuning around to tell him he's a good dancer and gab about something else but then he drove in for a kiss and we kissed it felt like for hours, and yes he grabbed my ass, finally!! I had to pull away because I thought we were going to get in trouble by the bar, he sat down to the bench by us and had me sit on his lap, he wanted to kiss some more and so we did; then the lights went on (2am) and we left the bar and hopped in a cab and headed back to my friends place.
When we all got inside I had to pee like a mofo, after I was done I went to wash my hands and I looked in the mirror and my top lip was all black and blue!!! I looked like someone punched my upper lip, I was like "wtf happened??" and then I realized I was seriously sucking face with ICK, we were biting....it was awesome, but the end result not to much!! I head over to ICK and I show him what he did to my lip, he laughed and said he was sorry, I sleep off my drunkenness and sneaked out at 5am to head back home....finding a cab sucked but I got one.
I had SO MUCH FUN, when I was watching The Hangover I was thinking about last Friday and thinking how I need to have fun like that more often!! Even if I have to pay the price for a hangover the next morning and a bruised lip!!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Delete my number!
Monday night I'm at House of Shields and my friend and I are getting ready to leave and I feel my phone vibrate in my bag, I take it out and I get a text from someone I do not know, random number asking if I'd like to go on a date! I show it to my friend and she's like "is it Arms, or Mr. Romanian?" I said no, I know those numbers, so her and the bartender (who we know) said to reply back to this text and ask who is this, so I did and no reply back. Now this could have been a wrong text or it could have been some guy I went out with....witch leads me to my topic!
On new years day, 3:30am Mr. Romanian texted me happy new year, I did not reply back although I did want to asking him to please delete my number from his cell! This other guy that I was seeing one summer I know still has my number his is cell, why do guys(maybe ladies too)keep numbers of people they dated and know they are never going to talk or see ever again? Once I'm done with a guy his number it is deleted from my cell, there is no reason to have him in my cell anymore, I'm never going to call the crazy or jerk (that's what I seem to ever go out with) ever again.....even if the sex was amazing! It also doesn't allow me on drunk or horny nights to call or text them. Just knowing that they have my number I get worried that they will do this to me, and possibly one did...the mystery texter!
Please delete my number, please!!
On new years day, 3:30am Mr. Romanian texted me happy new year, I did not reply back although I did want to asking him to please delete my number from his cell! This other guy that I was seeing one summer I know still has my number his is cell, why do guys(maybe ladies too)keep numbers of people they dated and know they are never going to talk or see ever again? Once I'm done with a guy his number it is deleted from my cell, there is no reason to have him in my cell anymore, I'm never going to call the crazy or jerk (that's what I seem to ever go out with) ever again.....even if the sex was amazing! It also doesn't allow me on drunk or horny nights to call or text them. Just knowing that they have my number I get worried that they will do this to me, and possibly one did...the mystery texter!
Please delete my number, please!!
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