I don't want to do this.....

Do you ever have that day were you would like to throw your body in front of a moving bus, well today is that kind of day for me. The only good thing about today is the weather, and I wish I was excited about that!

This whole adult thing is really catching up to me, I'm not like freaking out about "oh, man I'm an adult now, shit, what do I do" no, it's more like stuff is going to happen and I don't know how the hell I'm going to deal. My Guy and sometimes have heavy conversations and I freak out a little bit because it way too much for me, and it really makes me question myself if I am capable to handle life, would I be better off being stuck in a padded wall cell?

I had this fast conversation with this girl I met one night when I was having drinks with a long time friend who was visiting from NYC, she was bipolar and she was dyslexic, I started to say something like "you feel like your only good at this one thing, and if I'm only good at this one thing then whats the point of living on this planet if I can only offer one thing" she looked me for a second like I was a ghost and then said "it's like you were in my head", that made me feel good for a bit to know that someone else feels that way out there. I told My Guy the other day, I look at the end of my day like "Well I didn't understand today, so maybe I will tomorrow" I feel like thats my life, thats how it is everyday for me.

I woke up this morning feeling like shit.

Wanna stair at the pretty lady?

Go for it!

200th Post!

As of right now I am suffering from a stomach flue, not fun! Chills, fever, feeling like you could sleep for day's, and may I add your shit that you shit out is REALLY smelly water!!! I am feeling a little bit better......for now, My Guy came over and brought me some Gatorade and some Tulips! I could say that my 2011 so far could be better but I won't, because to base it on a flue would not be fare, right? But I would like to talk about 2010! 2010 was not a dull year at all!!! I met a wonderful guy who my family and friends just love, I ended a friendship that was not a solid friendship from the get go, I got my waiver for math witch fallowed me being done with school, MY Guy got his green card, I have to say some really good things came out of 2010. For new years it was perfect, My Guy cooked me dinner and then we watched House Hunter's marathon, had 2 sips of some very bad Champaign and then hit the sack by 1:30am!

For 2011 I hope to get a job, move out - move in with My Guy and travel around Europe. I also hope some things work out for some of my family and friends, babies are born and healthy, someone starting out on a new look on life!

I'm really happy to have this blog, I like to know that I have not only pictures to remind me of my memories but I have stories and feelings and I think that's important too!

Santa, could you put these under my tree, please?

Thanks!

What I'm singing!

It was really cool for a while......

Well I got what I wished for, what I hoped for, what I prayed for but deep down inside never thought it was going to happen.....I got my math waiver! It really happened, I'm FUCKING DONE WITH SCHOOL!!! Everyone that I have told has said congratulations and are happy for me, and I was happy/emotional for myself, but I also have had mixed feelings too. Whenever I have ended up with someone that I really really really wanted but thought that I was never going to get or didn't deserve it, and then got it, I kind of don't want it anymore; what does that say about me?

My dreams always have something to do with feeling trapped or someone or something is chasing me. For almost half of my life with school I have felt trapped now I just feel trapped with life. It's been 4 weeks now I guess that I have been looking for a job, I know this is not even that long, but I'm really really worried. I really do believe no one will want to hire me, I also feel that one day My Guy is going to realize how much of a loser Girlfriend he has and say adiós........I wouldn't blame him! It's not like I haven't been trying, I have applied to a temp agency, I have called them 3 times, I have sent them my resume and cover letter I have even tried to set up an appointment with some guy named Keith! KEITH, YOU SUCK!!! I apply to CL everyday all day, I go to this Gov website that my uncle told me about, the only job that I seem to be qualified for is in Vallejo!! UGH!!!!!

As I was moping the entry way of my parents house I was thinking maybe I should go back to school..........I really have no idea what the fuck to do. All I do know is that I'm sad and lost!

Velvet Revolution and Math Revolution

I received an email yesterday letting me know that the committee who will be reviewing my request for a math waiver will be meeting next Wed, Nov 17th. When I told my parents and My Guy he kind of laughed because Nov 17th is the a big day in Slovakia being that its part of the Velvet Revolution. So please keep your fingers and toes crossed on Nov 17th, because if this doesn't happen for me, I'm not sure what my next move will be for me school wise!

This is for sure what I want!

I also have a huge crush on Charlotte Dellal and her sister Alice Dellal! I loved when I read that Charlotte wore leopard print shoes for her wedding, LOVE THIS IDEA!!! Anyways, I also like to share my latest girl crushes to you all :)





(I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED ANYTIME SOON!! But a girl can dream!)

Hot off my ears!

Your here, and more to come, I can't wait!!