I sympathize with the dog!

I've been taking care of a dog this week and as much as I love him he drives me crazy! He's very needy, wines about everything....hungry, not giving him enough attention, I'm leaving the house and he's not coming, wants to be on the bed with me....bla bla bla! But in a way I shouldn't make this such a big deal, I found out on Monday that his owners like their turtles better than him (the dog)and I kind of found that to be a little sad, I also herd that they ignore him, the only one that gives him any kind of attention is the oldest daughter; I'm sure its not much being now that she's in high school. I guess I would be acting the same way, all needy, I'm in a house where people are nice to me and give me attention and love, my own owners don't even give me that! I feel sorry for the guy, in a way I can sympathize.

I have been feeling really depressed for the past month now, I'm also very bitter, I don't want to socialize with others, if it was up to me I would just live in my room 24/7! I'm not happy with so many things, over all my life, most of the time its with myself but this time its with my life.....well I guess a little bit with myself. I wish my brain was good at math, I'm very envious of my brother, he visited another country and has moved out all in the last 2 1/2 months! I'm starting to hate this city, I feel very little good has happened for me here, but where would I move to? The only thing holding me is my Mother, I'm very close with her, and other day at a family birthday party she fainted in the bathroom and all I could think about on the car ride home was "what if I lived in LA or NYC, my Dad would have been the one to take care of her, he kind of sucks at that job" Yes I know other family members would and did help out but me being kind of a control freak scared me!

This weekend was all about family, and as much as I love my family sometimes I wish I lived far away so then I wouldn't be sucked into doing stuff for them. On Fri I was sposed to go to a dinner but my Aunt got sick so the dinner was called off, I had 2 invites from friends but me being so anti I stayed in, and around 8ish went with my parents to see my Aunt to see how she was doing.....I got $20 bucks for stopping by? Then Sat, I didn't mind so much, we went over to the East Bay to celebrate my cousins 4th birthday, that was fun until my Mom fainted!! And today, I wanted to shoot myself, I had to go back over to my Aunts house to help out her husband with his iPhone, that took about an hour and 20 min!!! He gave me $50? Then I had to go with my Mom to pick up a picture at Cheep Pets, drive over to her work to drop it off, then drive to Safeway and come back home........did I mention today's weather was perfect??? I should have been at Dolores Park with friends drinking and smoking, or doing something a 20 something does on a weekend....I wouldn't know, I don't have a life!!I know this might be TMI, but I have had a yest infection for a month now, the fucker wont go away, I have been on 2 different kinds of meds, I want to rip my vagina out of my body......it wont be any use to me anyways, I just keep meeting one looser after another!!

This is Buddie!

October Favorites!

Love, Loss, and What I Wore: Kate Lanphear
Dear Aunt Bunny: Studs, jeans, and Balenciaga...I gotta be me

I come from a conservative Irish-Catholic family. My parents are judges, and I have a sister who’s a lawyer. She’s an all-American girl: Abercrombie jeans, Old Navy hoodies, Nikes. My Aunt Bunny and godmother, Auntie Esther, are two of the most put-together women of all time. Esther’s impeccable bag was always coordinated with the most polished shoes, both offering subtle contrast to her perfectly tailored skirt suits.

My closet, however, is filled with studs, chains, rock ’n’ roll T-shirts, and black skinny jeans. The clothes that feel most like my own skin are the ones that are a little aggressive, a bit punked out: Balenciaga shoes and YSL blazers—I could blow my life’s savings on Givenchy and Alaïa.

If you asked me who my style icons were, I’d say I began with old-school heavy metal. I love the androgyny and the glam. In high school I covered my bedroom walls with Axl Rose posters. Appetite for Destruction was out, and I trailed Guns N’ Roses’ tour bus in my Honda Civic (its plates read AXL LVR). I had these amazing, skinny, tight-enough-to- cut-off-your-circulation acid-wash jeans with an inky blue plastic zipper that ran up the seam, purchased at Spencer’s Gifts at the mall. I had begged my mom for them. They were part of a look: slouchy suede boots, oversize suede jacket, outrageous jeans. Breaking the suburbatopian mold by wearing metalhead garb definitely wasn’t something one did to fit in with the cool kids in Fairfax, Virginia.

My getup was an even bigger faux pas with the family. For awhile I gave their Hyannisport compound ideal a shot. I wore glen plaid trousers from the Limited to Aunt Bunny’s for Christmas. “Oh my God, you look amazing!” she said. Meanwhile, I felt like an imposter.

The awkwardness and inner conflict got worse when I started out as an assistant at a fashion magazine. There was so much pressure to dress the part. I decided I had to fake it to make it. Carolyn Bessette was the girl du jour, so I did my best mimicry, wearing LBDs at an appropriate but unflattering length, with pointy ladylike slingbacks. Then one day in a vintage shop I found…a pair of skinny acid-wash jeans. It was like, Ahhh!—a halo was shining around them. I wore them every day. When I got my first big break, I thought, “Screw it, I’m wearing the jeans to the interview with the editor in chief.” I wanted to see what would happen if I was real. I remember telling her, “I’m not your typical fashion editor. I work hard and I know my stuff, but you should know, I’ll be the one wearing acid-wash jeans.” I got the job.

Once those skinny jeans came into my life, everything that wasn’t authentic—the whole WASPy facade—dropped away. That’s the thing about fashion: You can use it to hide, but it’s only magic when you use it to express who you really are.

Take it slow, take it easy on me......please!

The World doesnt owe me anything and dating is an exception!

You rock Taylor Swift!!!!


I think maybe I'm better single too!

What am I good at?

What I am good at I think doesn't matter in life, so in a way I'm good at nothing!

If only...

If only I could 5'8, I'm 5'4!

If only I found eating to be fun again, I have realized a few days ago I'm depressed and I have noticed that I have been looking a little bit more thin than usual :(

If only there were not so many frogs in this city and more prince's!

If only I had the courage to break up with Mr. Romania!

If only I could pass this math class.....maybe next semester!

If only I found joy getting ready to start my day, at this point I don't even care what I wear, I'm putting no effort, my cloths don't bring me joy like they usually do!

If only I could get out of this funk!!

Crazy Dreams!

I know hearing or reading about other peoples dreams are not that interesting but I have had 3 crazy dreams in 3 nights and I really feel like sharing them!

1. I was on some island and I was standing in a shallow pond of beautiful clear blue water and all of a sudden a herd of zebra's come running past me in all different directions but they were not your average zebra's, like black and white, their body was like a lava lamp/a Basso&Brooke dress, it was crazy beautiful!! Then the zebra's turned into guys........hot guys, and one of them came up to me and started talking to me but I dont remember what he said; all I do remember is he pointed to the right and I walked off and ended on some ship with a little boy running around and my father trying to go with him on some elevator that was for employees only......CRAZY!!!




2. So I know my friend is going to roll her eyes when she reads this, but IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!! The Writer was in my dream (the guy who I had acting class with) we were naked in bed......this bedroom by the way was covered in books and it was dark, dark red and black seemed to be the them!At one point he takes this little little pepper shaker and shakes white stuff on the pillow and sniffs it up his nose and I ask him
was that coke and he says yes and then I tell him how I have been thinking of trying coke and then that was the end of the dream.........CRAZY!!!
FYI: I don't plan on trying coke EVER!!!!

3. My 3rd was very weird, some parts are a little fuzzy so excuse me for that! I'm in LA and its at night and I'm hanging out with 2 of the girls from the TV show The Hills Audrina Patridge and Stephanie Pratt and Miss DVF (Diane von Furstenberg!)I'm trying to park my car (I should have been driving something expensive, not a Nissan!!)anyways, we park the car by a corner store and I wasn't that happy about it but the girls told me the car was going to be fine, after we get out of the car I dont remember where we went but I do remember coming back to the car and one side of the car was smashed, so I turn to DVF and tell her she should give me $400 for the car and she said "Oh okay fine, but only because I make so much money darling" then this rose colored van shows up and DVF tells everyone to get in but before we get in the van we notice that there is a party going on in this building by my wrecked car, I ask her can we go and she says I can just walk into any party!
The End!

Get Shaky!

All Mixed Up

On Sunday Mr. Romanian and I went to the Folsom street fair.....against my will, it has never been a dream of mine to attend this "expressive" sex fest, but I went! I knew for sure I never wanted to go the day I saw pictures of a man trying to stuff his own fist up his own ass!!! Thank God I didn't see that on Sunday, but I did see more penis in one day than I have ever seen, more cock rings than I have ever seen and more men than I have ever seen........too bad the majority of the population at this even were gay!! There was this one guy getting tied upside down and then his balls were getting tied separately........um ouch!! The one thing I did enjoy was the spanking booths, even though is was man on man, or chick on chick, it was nice to see that I'm not the only one likes a good slap on the ass from time to time ;)

Okay back to on topic! After the fair Mr. R and I needed to fill our tummy's so we headed over to Farmer Brown, the food was awesome, conversation was going great and then at some point ( I don't remember how it started)he starts talking about us/me. He tells me how sweet I am, how trusting of a person I come off, I come from a good family, I tell good stories, I'm funny, he says he always has a good time with me......then he brings up the trusting part again and I find this to be a little fishy! I told him, what you see is what you get, no bull shit from me, then I asked him should I assume your a trusting person? He smiled and said yes, then he said he feels he can trust me that if we got married I would try to screw things up, he didn't say it in those words but I got the idea, and then he said something along the lines of I hope we can stay friends for a very long time. I was losing my shit but I had to control myself I was in public and I didn't want people to look over at the girl crying! So I just made lots of nods and got very very quiet, he could tell something was wrong and wanted me to talk and I told him we will talk about it when we get back to your place he said fine and started talking about something else. When I tried to engage in the conversation a little tear slipped down my cheek, he got very worried and held my hand and said "sweetie, i'm sorry if I upset you, i didn't mean to I was just sharing how I felt" I ingorned what he said and went to talk about why I don't like having Thanksgiving with my family.

Why was I upset? To boil it down I still down know, I have been eating like a pregnant woman (PMS, or depressed)I want to stay in bed and hid from the world! See when he was telling me all of this at one point I looked up at the sealing and thought "Are you fucking kidding me, God, again?" meaning, I got caught up in the friend category, or the fuck buddy category AGAIN!!! Why cant I just have what everyone else has? I have only been in love once, I would like to have it happen again, I deserve it, both of my female friends have boyfriends so why cant I? I feel I have missed out on so much in life, and by marring a guy to help him become a US citazine, what would it be in it for me? Money, the 2 things would be helping him out and I get paid lots of money he tells me. I told him, my family will always take care of me, so I don't want your money! He said that's fine but I would still give it to you! At this point I wanted the check and get back to his place get my stuff and never see him ever again! When we got to the subway I was really trying to hold back the tears but they just came, he saw and gave me a hug and ask me to talk with him and I told him i'll talk when we get home (lie). We finllay get to his place, I use the bathroom and then go to his room, pick up my stuff and tell him I'm leaving.

I'm crying when I say this, he asks me to sit down on the bed next to him I tell him no, I'm leaving, we are on 2 different pages in what we want from people and I'm not going to waist my time! He pulls me close to the bed and then on his lap, kisses me and asks me to tell him what I was thinking at the restaurant. To be honest the conversation is kind of a blur, I just know I was crying so much and I was so upset! I do remember telling him I want to be in a relationship, I want to be someones girlfreind and maybe down the road I would like to get married but I wouldn't want to marry someone for the reason of what he wants, because I felt (like I said up top) what would it be in it for me? He said I would be giving him this awesome gift, I would probably never have to work, with the ability for him to now get his dream job he would be making so much money I would never have to work...........I dont want your money! He asked me to stay, I said no, it went back and forth, he tried to kiss me and I just turned away. Then he said, "okay, lets forget about this whole thing and lets just carry on like we have been, okay?" I said okay, he added that he likes me a lot, he told me I'm the longest girl he's gone out with for a while, most girls would only last 2 weeks, and we have been together for a month now.

I'm all mixed up! One of my friends said, stay with him until he starts pressuring me into the marriage thing, I kind of liked that idea. My other friend said, I should make him call me his girlfriend being that at some point I am someone he would like to marry, that idea is not bad either!

I'll keep you posted!

September Favorites

A dream on my arm!

This Givenchy Nightingale bag I would LOVE to have....but its almost 2 grand ;( I need me a sugar daddy!


I'm Not Your Toy!!

I haven't been a big fan of her regular songs, but have enjoyed her remixed songs, but this one needs not to be touched!!


Sparkle me!

This is Karla, from Karla's Closet and when she posted this little number I died!! I went on a hunt for a sparkle top and look what I found....

This screams to be worn around the holidays, don't you agree?


Kate you did it again!

I had been meaning for a while now to get a "rocker" tee, influenced by the Olsen twins but when I saw this photo of Kate I was like "ASP Miss T", so this is what I picked up....I know its not as bad ass as Iron Maiden but I like LZ!!


Fuck me!!!

NICHOLAS KIRKWOOD FOR RODARTE S/S 2010//