On Sunday Mr. Romanian and I went to the Folsom street fair.....against my will, it has never been a dream of mine to attend this "expressive" sex fest, but I went! I knew for sure I never wanted to go the day I saw pictures of a man trying to stuff his own fist up his own ass!!! Thank God I didn't see that on Sunday, but I did see more penis in one day than I have ever seen, more cock rings than I have ever seen and more men than I have ever seen........too bad the majority of the population at this even were gay!! There was this one guy getting tied upside down and then his balls were getting tied separately........um ouch!! The one thing I did enjoy was the spanking booths, even though is was man on man, or chick on chick, it was nice to see that I'm not the only one likes a good slap on the ass from time to time ;)
Okay back to on topic! After the fair Mr. R and I needed to fill our tummy's so we headed over to Farmer Brown, the food was awesome, conversation was going great and then at some point ( I don't remember how it started)he starts talking about us/me. He tells me how sweet I am, how trusting of a person I come off, I come from a good family, I tell good stories, I'm funny, he says he always has a good time with me......then he brings up the trusting part again and I find this to be a little fishy! I told him, what you see is what you get, no bull shit from me, then I asked him should I assume your a trusting person? He smiled and said yes, then he said he feels he can trust me that if we got married I would try to screw things up, he didn't say it in those words but I got the idea, and then he said something along the lines of I hope we can stay friends for a very long time. I was losing my shit but I had to control myself I was in public and I didn't want people to look over at the girl crying! So I just made lots of nods and got very very quiet, he could tell something was wrong and wanted me to talk and I told him we will talk about it when we get back to your place he said fine and started talking about something else. When I tried to engage in the conversation a little tear slipped down my cheek, he got very worried and held my hand and said "sweetie, i'm sorry if I upset you, i didn't mean to I was just sharing how I felt" I ingorned what he said and went to talk about why I don't like having Thanksgiving with my family.
Why was I upset? To boil it down I still down know, I have been eating like a pregnant woman (PMS, or depressed)I want to stay in bed and hid from the world! See when he was telling me all of this at one point I looked up at the sealing and thought "Are you fucking kidding me, God, again?" meaning, I got caught up in the friend category, or the fuck buddy category AGAIN!!! Why cant I just have what everyone else has? I have only been in love once, I would like to have it happen again, I deserve it, both of my female friends have boyfriends so why cant I? I feel I have missed out on so much in life, and by marring a guy to help him become a US citazine, what would it be in it for me? Money, the 2 things would be helping him out and I get paid lots of money he tells me. I told him, my family will always take care of me, so I don't want your money! He said that's fine but I would still give it to you! At this point I wanted the check and get back to his place get my stuff and never see him ever again! When we got to the subway I was really trying to hold back the tears but they just came, he saw and gave me a hug and ask me to talk with him and I told him i'll talk when we get home (lie). We finllay get to his place, I use the bathroom and then go to his room, pick up my stuff and tell him I'm leaving.
I'm crying when I say this, he asks me to sit down on the bed next to him I tell him no, I'm leaving, we are on 2 different pages in what we want from people and I'm not going to waist my time! He pulls me close to the bed and then on his lap, kisses me and asks me to tell him what I was thinking at the restaurant. To be honest the conversation is kind of a blur, I just know I was crying so much and I was so upset! I do remember telling him I want to be in a relationship, I want to be someones girlfreind and maybe down the road I would like to get married but I wouldn't want to marry someone for the reason of what he wants, because I felt (like I said up top) what would it be in it for me? He said I would be giving him this awesome gift, I would probably never have to work, with the ability for him to now get his dream job he would be making so much money I would never have to work...........I dont want your money! He asked me to stay, I said no, it went back and forth, he tried to kiss me and I just turned away. Then he said, "okay, lets forget about this whole thing and lets just carry on like we have been, okay?" I said okay, he added that he likes me a lot, he told me I'm the longest girl he's gone out with for a while, most girls would only last 2 weeks, and we have been together for a month now.
I'm all mixed up! One of my friends said, stay with him until he starts pressuring me into the marriage thing, I kind of liked that idea. My other friend said, I should make him call me his girlfriend being that at some point I am someone he would like to marry, that idea is not bad either!
I'll keep you posted!
