Wednesday, October 27, 2010
His Friends
As much as I like My Guy's friends at the same time they bug me just a little bit, but not enough for me to never want to see them. I think what bugs me is that if it were up to them they would like to see him almost every weekend and to me thats a bit much! My Guy and I have talked about that him and I have very different relationships with our friends, and its true, his friends are more like family members to each other, they are really there for each other 1000%! I like the friends that I have in my life and I know they would help me out if I asked, but for sure the relationship is much different from My Guy's friends. I mean do I want to talk with my friends on the phone everyday and see them every weekend? I did when I was in high school and a little bit when I graduated from high school, its not like I wouldn't like to talk with them everyday on the phone or see them every weekend but I really like my alone time and my family time.
I also think friendships in San Francisco are odd, I have meet some people who have a bunch of close friends fallowed with a few groups they hang out with, and then I have meet some people who just have a few friends and thats it. When I got into my 20's I started out with no friends, then I made some "friends" then they left then I met my ex then he dumped me and then I was left with no friends again for a while and then over time I made some friends and only really 3 of them have really stuck around! My Guy's friends he has known for his whole life, most of them, and I wish I had that, I really do. I have always kind of considered myself of a loner, and over time I have been okay with that, but sometimes I wish I had what My Guy has, it must be a really cool feeling. But as I always say, "something is better then nothing" and I would for sure rather have 3 awesome people in my life then no one at all :)
I also think friendships in San Francisco are odd, I have meet some people who have a bunch of close friends fallowed with a few groups they hang out with, and then I have meet some people who just have a few friends and thats it. When I got into my 20's I started out with no friends, then I made some "friends" then they left then I met my ex then he dumped me and then I was left with no friends again for a while and then over time I made some friends and only really 3 of them have really stuck around! My Guy's friends he has known for his whole life, most of them, and I wish I had that, I really do. I have always kind of considered myself of a loner, and over time I have been okay with that, but sometimes I wish I had what My Guy has, it must be a really cool feeling. But as I always say, "something is better then nothing" and I would for sure rather have 3 awesome people in my life then no one at all :)
Friday, October 1, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Top of my head....
- Lately I have been thinking about wanting to start a daily or almost daily fashion blog, but I don't really feel what I wear is creative enough, I mean have you seen the competition out there?
- I feel I'm changing, like I'm morphing into this new "women" part of me feels a little disconnected from myself, like I'm standing back and watching me twist and turn inside of a cocoon and waiting for me to blossom out..........well if this is really what is happening, then when I come out I better be wearing a hot outfit!
- The fog horns have been more active lately then usual, at least I feel. I just love the sound of them, I have been trying to find an app for fog horns, or fog horns by the sea, something like that but no luck so far. I don't think I would be very happy if I lived in a place like Arizona, no sea, I need to know the beach is not far away from me, its sad that San Francisco has shitty beaches, but we do have beautiful public parks. Anyways, I will try to make a promise to myself that I will try to forever stay by the sea so I can listen to the fog horns!
- This teacher of mine that I had in HS I found her on the next working site, I friended her and I have also sent her a message, but no response and I know its on purpose. I would like to know why is she friends with all the crazy/fucked up kids from my 2002 class but wants to have nothing to do with me? It makes me wonder was I a bitch back in HS? Am I a bitch now? Stuff like this really makes me wonder!
- I got hit by a car today, I'M FINE!!! But the guy didn't even say he was sorry nor did he bother to get out of this car, he just rolled down his window and looked at me and then drove off. One of my biggest fears is something happening to me when I'm alone, knowing that I will have to rely on strangers scares me!
- Sometimes I think about going back to therapy. I feel fine, okay in the noodle, but I have these feelings sometimes of uncertainty and discouragement, I don't know. I get worried about myself that I'm never going to be okay unless someone is in my life holding my hand in some way, and I don't really like that and I'm also not sure if that's okay or this is how it must be. I am incapable of doing some things in life on my own, and that's fine, but the percent I would like to know, like how much is the capable part? I should know this! Maybe I do. I don't know.
- I have been watching "Say Yes to the Dress" latley, I'm not getting married, don't know if I want to ever, I go back and forth about this. But I do know a few things: I do not want a ball gown, I do not want my neighbor invited, I want a saxophone player, and no bridesmaids- Its going to be all about me! I don't want to get married in a church, my fiance will not be wearing a bow-tie!
- I miss my brother (he's alive).
- I feel I'm changing, like I'm morphing into this new "women" part of me feels a little disconnected from myself, like I'm standing back and watching me twist and turn inside of a cocoon and waiting for me to blossom out..........well if this is really what is happening, then when I come out I better be wearing a hot outfit!
- The fog horns have been more active lately then usual, at least I feel. I just love the sound of them, I have been trying to find an app for fog horns, or fog horns by the sea, something like that but no luck so far. I don't think I would be very happy if I lived in a place like Arizona, no sea, I need to know the beach is not far away from me, its sad that San Francisco has shitty beaches, but we do have beautiful public parks. Anyways, I will try to make a promise to myself that I will try to forever stay by the sea so I can listen to the fog horns!
- This teacher of mine that I had in HS I found her on the next working site, I friended her and I have also sent her a message, but no response and I know its on purpose. I would like to know why is she friends with all the crazy/fucked up kids from my 2002 class but wants to have nothing to do with me? It makes me wonder was I a bitch back in HS? Am I a bitch now? Stuff like this really makes me wonder!
- I got hit by a car today, I'M FINE!!! But the guy didn't even say he was sorry nor did he bother to get out of this car, he just rolled down his window and looked at me and then drove off. One of my biggest fears is something happening to me when I'm alone, knowing that I will have to rely on strangers scares me!
- Sometimes I think about going back to therapy. I feel fine, okay in the noodle, but I have these feelings sometimes of uncertainty and discouragement, I don't know. I get worried about myself that I'm never going to be okay unless someone is in my life holding my hand in some way, and I don't really like that and I'm also not sure if that's okay or this is how it must be. I am incapable of doing some things in life on my own, and that's fine, but the percent I would like to know, like how much is the capable part? I should know this! Maybe I do. I don't know.
- I have been watching "Say Yes to the Dress" latley, I'm not getting married, don't know if I want to ever, I go back and forth about this. But I do know a few things: I do not want a ball gown, I do not want my neighbor invited, I want a saxophone player, and no bridesmaids- Its going to be all about me! I don't want to get married in a church, my fiance will not be wearing a bow-tie!
- I miss my brother (he's alive).
Monday, September 27, 2010
Dream house!
There are more pictures here. I got My Guy hooked to "dreaming" as I like to call it, and now every now and then we like to look at houses that are for sale on-line. Someday I'll get the guts to go to open house's!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
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Friday, September 17, 2010
Hay, your playing with my......
It's really to bad that this is kind of the only song that I like of Ladyhawke. But it's also a song that I can't stop playing, so good job Ladyhawke for making a song the I just can't get enough of!!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Why do you hold on to your past people?
I remember when I found out when my Ex started dating someone else after 4 months after we broke up, we had been together for almost 2yrs. When I found out, it really hurt, I remember finding out on a networking site and I cried on my bedroom floor for it felt like hours. I asked myself a million questions like "how come he's ready to date and I'm not" "did he really love me" "is he really over me" "what did I do wrong for him not to want to stay in SF" (he was originally from Los Angles area but went to college in SF). It was a hard year for me, he wanted to keep in contact and I wasn't so sure about it but I went along, he would talk about her to me sometimes and I would just listen, I never asked questions about her because I didn't want to know. One day, we were talking on the computer and he was asking me and I felt it was too personal questions about if I was dating or sleeping with anyone, I didn't want to talk about this stuff with my Ex it just didn't seem right. I told him that I no longer wanted to have any contact with him and that this is it; he said "have a nice life, bye!". And that was it, I never contacted him ever again, I would find out stuff about him from time to time because I was friends with one of his old roommates (who I no long really talk to now) but that would be about it.
When I found out he was seeing someone I felt that it was not okay to talk with him anymore, I mean, I have always found it odd when your seeing someone and they still talk with there Ex, or hang out with their Ex, I'm not an insecure person when it comes to this stuff, I just feel your Ex is your past and why do you want to hold on to your past?
The reason why I'm bring this up is, My Guy got a text message the other day from his Ex, I didn't mean to read it, but we were over at his friends place having an early dinner and we had gotten there early so we were helping out before everyone else came over and I was in the room off from the kitchen and his phone made a noise and he said could I check that he thought maybe his friend's might be letting him know they are coming, so I look at the phone and i see this text message "I don't think I'm ever going to meet someone like you.....I'm drunk...." I put the phone down, I stopped myself from reading any further, I had read enough. I didn't know what to think how to feel, but I thought I would wait to see what My Guy was going to do when he read it. He came into the room and asked me if it was his friend and I said no and then looked away, I saw that he read the text and took a deep breath and then walked away for a sec and then he came over to me. He asked if I read it and I said just a little, he said can we talk and I said how about later he said okay. Later could not wait, he was looking really sad, so I asked him if he was okay, he took my hand and baring me into the garage, he said to me to tell him how I feel, so I did. I told him when I saw that I thought 2 things; 1. He is still talking with his Ex, and leading her on or 2. She really was drunk and it was all her doing. He said number 2, then he said he had talked with her after a month we had been going out and he had told her how he felt for me. He said that he loves me and he would never lie to me and bla bla bla, and I trust him and I'm not worried that this chick will break us up or anything I mean she lives in another country! But I am a little annoyed.
I know My Guy and his Ex had been going out for about 5 years, that's a long time, a lot of his friends thought they were going to get married, but the relationship was never right from the start, but everyone else didn't know that. And I know it takes time to heal over a break up, more so for women sometimes but I also feel that people need to know boundaries, both men and women. It seems to me that this girl is going to never leave his life and I'm okay with that but I feel he needs to set some rules with her, I just don't think its okay to contact your Ex whenever you feel like it, drunk or not; unless you were married and had kids and then got divorced, then I could see you will always need to talk with the other person; but this is not the case.
Am I in the wrong on feeling this way?
When I found out he was seeing someone I felt that it was not okay to talk with him anymore, I mean, I have always found it odd when your seeing someone and they still talk with there Ex, or hang out with their Ex, I'm not an insecure person when it comes to this stuff, I just feel your Ex is your past and why do you want to hold on to your past?
The reason why I'm bring this up is, My Guy got a text message the other day from his Ex, I didn't mean to read it, but we were over at his friends place having an early dinner and we had gotten there early so we were helping out before everyone else came over and I was in the room off from the kitchen and his phone made a noise and he said could I check that he thought maybe his friend's might be letting him know they are coming, so I look at the phone and i see this text message "I don't think I'm ever going to meet someone like you.....I'm drunk...." I put the phone down, I stopped myself from reading any further, I had read enough. I didn't know what to think how to feel, but I thought I would wait to see what My Guy was going to do when he read it. He came into the room and asked me if it was his friend and I said no and then looked away, I saw that he read the text and took a deep breath and then walked away for a sec and then he came over to me. He asked if I read it and I said just a little, he said can we talk and I said how about later he said okay. Later could not wait, he was looking really sad, so I asked him if he was okay, he took my hand and baring me into the garage, he said to me to tell him how I feel, so I did. I told him when I saw that I thought 2 things; 1. He is still talking with his Ex, and leading her on or 2. She really was drunk and it was all her doing. He said number 2, then he said he had talked with her after a month we had been going out and he had told her how he felt for me. He said that he loves me and he would never lie to me and bla bla bla, and I trust him and I'm not worried that this chick will break us up or anything I mean she lives in another country! But I am a little annoyed.
I know My Guy and his Ex had been going out for about 5 years, that's a long time, a lot of his friends thought they were going to get married, but the relationship was never right from the start, but everyone else didn't know that. And I know it takes time to heal over a break up, more so for women sometimes but I also feel that people need to know boundaries, both men and women. It seems to me that this girl is going to never leave his life and I'm okay with that but I feel he needs to set some rules with her, I just don't think its okay to contact your Ex whenever you feel like it, drunk or not; unless you were married and had kids and then got divorced, then I could see you will always need to talk with the other person; but this is not the case.
Am I in the wrong on feeling this way?
Creative, disturbing and......well......cool?
These videos are a "project" called iamamiwhoami, I have posted the first three, but there are total of 13, and I suggest checking them all out on youtube the music gets better and the videos get more morbid!
Enjoy!
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