My Guy and I are no longer My Guy and I, it ended a few months ago. It was so hard for me to transition into relying on someone for everything to now relying on myself for everything. He still helps with stuff when I ask but for the most part its just me now, and its hard and scary. We are on good terms, we don't talk every day, sometimes weeks will go by we don't talk with each other. Some moments I wish he would just go far away and I'd never see him ever again, and then other moments I'm glad to have him around. I got to keep the dog, I have moments that I feel like the worst person in the world for getting to keep him, but I think if it wasn't for this dog, I know myself, I would never leave the house if I don't have to; this dog keeps my mind pure, he helps me from not thinking dark thoughts.
As months passed by I met a guy, I met him through my brother. I wasn't looking to get back in a relationship but I wasn't going to turn down someone who was interested in me. I just knew I wanted to do things my way, take things slow. This new guy is everything that I think some people would think I would never be interested in, he looks like he could be part of the Son's or Anarchy gang, he has tattoos and wears punk rock t-shirts. But once he opens his mouth, its as if he belongs on Mr. Rodgers, he is so kind and sensitive. I feel no stress when I am with or away from this guy, I didn't know this feeling was possible! I felt stressed out all the time when I was with My Guy, I thought at the time thats how relationships are, this was normal. I've learned now that was wrong, you can be with someone and it can be stress free. I'm trying to take this time getting to know....lets call him Jax (Jackson Teller). So far what I'm learning, I like, and we will see where this goes.
I want peace in my life form now on, I want quiet, if it doesn't make me happy then I dont want to do it unless its an absolute must. My Guy is not a bad person, but I do feel as time went on we grew apart, our views on life are different. I also think he really wants to be a Dad someday and the more I think about it the more I am not interested in having children; the thought of having a child doesn't excite me. He took wonderful care of me and helped me though so much and was there for me in ways my own family were not. But he also said and did some things to me that hurt, hurt so much that I felt I should no longer be living.
When your in your 20's I feel your parents are still in your life but a little less then when you are in your teens, when your in your 30's....are your parents or should your parents be very little in your life? I'm 31 and I have moments that I feel I need to call up my parents and ask them "is it okay if I go on a trip with some friends?" WTF IS THE MATTER WITH ME???? I am a privet person and the truth is I want people in my life to know as little as possible (yes I have a blog and I'm telling you about my life, bla bla. I feel there are too many people in life that know too much who I wish knew nothing. I didn't want to tell My Guy about Jax, but I had to ONLY because sometimes My Guy comes to the house to pick up the dog and there could be times where Jax might be in the house at the same time, ugh! I havent told my parents about Jax, and not because I am embarrassed that I'm seeing someone with tattoos, my brother has tattoos, I think its because I am an adult and why do I need to tell my parents every time I'm seeing someone? Also, I'm not sure how serious this is going to get, though I think if it was up to Jax he'd put a ring on it yesterday, the guy is smitten over me!
So much has changed in the last months, 2015 I see is big change for people, some good some bad. I'll have to be looking for a job again, who knows maybe I'll be moving, I'm getting bunt out over San Francisco, this city to me doesnt feel like home and the people in this city now annoy me.
Do what feels right to you, do what makes you happy!
