As much as I have talked about how school is hard for me and also how my Mother and I our relationship is sad and how My Guy and I have some issues....I have some stinky shit under my belt, let alone also some money problems! To try to cope with me being back in school I think I'm doing fine, my Mom...I will never be fine, my heart is and will be broken until she really sees that she is hurting her daughter; and as for My Guy and I, I am trying but I have a feeling he would disagree. I have a test every Tuesday and tons of homework every week and a test every other week, I try not to make homework an excuses to not be able to help out around the house but sometimes that's how it is, I need to do my homework and everything else is last. I want to finish this program as fast as I can so I can get a life long job!!! I wash the dishes every night (some nights are skipped, so I do them in the morning), I wash and fold the laundry, I keep the other rooms in the house clean and tidy. I feel My Guy makes me feel like I am the only one who makes the counter top messy and also the sink in the bathroom a mess, it's hard for me to understand this because there are 2 people in this house and as neat and tidy My Guy is, he can also be messy to! The side comments I wish would stop, "every time, I ask, put the lid back in the microwave" "can you please clean the counter top, its your mess" "the sink is gross, can you clean it" "why don't you cook". How about, it would be nice if you put your Trader Joe bags away, how about it would be nice if you didn't leave beer caps out...is it too much to toss them away right when you open the beer? How about you wash the big pans, instead of leaving water in them on the stove for DAYS!! I try not to say anything, I try to look at it like these are the things HE DOES and I wish he would not say anything and look at this is what SHE DOES. I could be doing way worse or gross things right?
I do my part, the best I can and it would be nice if my part felt good enough, felt like I was helpful. I don't feel what My Guy does is not helpful enough, he does his part. I made a to do list about a week ago and My Guy doesn't seem to like it, he added last night that he feels I tell him what to do a lot. IF I COULD PSYCHICALLY do all the things on the list I would, but I can't and he can, and these are things that need to get done around the house, they just do! Trust me, if I could I really would, because they would be all done by now.
Ugh....im the flower withering away in the wind.
