Sleepless Beauty

Before I went on my trip to Hawaii I hadn't been sleeping very well, I would wake up bright-eyed at 3am, as if I got a full 8 hours of sleep, and it would take me forever to fall back to sleep! It wasn't happening every night, but for sure 2 or 3 times a week, before my trip I didn't think much of it, I remember having odd sleep patterns when I was around 23, so I thought it was just a phase. But after when I got back from my trip I blamed it on the time change...that should have only lasted 2 days at the most; it was turning into like 2 weeks!

For thous who know me, sleep is VERY important me, I also LOVE IT!! And to not enjoy going to bed was frustrating me! I talked with my Mom about it and she asked was I stressed about anything....the only thing came to mind was school, but I didn't feel it was causing me stress, I thought about other stuff....and came up with nothing.The other night I was snooping around on this guy that I have a huge crush on and found out he has a girlfriend, I know him and I never stood a chance but finding out that he's seeing someone did hurt, I cried myself to sleep that night. As I was laying in bed with tears running down my face life came to mind and I thought this is what could possibly be keeping me up at night. I am so unhappy with my life, I feel school owns me, I feel trapped like a rat in a cage and the only way out, to end the sadness is to stop going, drop out and do what I WANT with MY LIFE! I guess in away school is stressing me out, but I think its more that its cutting me off form enjoying things that wish so badly for, and I feel I deserve to be happy.

To help me sleep my Mother gave me so Lunesta this little pill has worked wonders, the only down side is, I'm sure for good reason, it only lasts 6 hours and it takes about 30min to kick in. I dont take it every night, just as needed, I looked up the side effects the other night, because I did notice when I would take it i'd wake up with the biggest cotton mouth EVER!! Well, that is one of the side effects, among other things! Like Lunesta could possibly make me more outgoing, I found this to be really funny, when was more outgoing a bad thing? I never thought I wasn't outgoing, but I would never say or think anyone who knows me would ever say "T is VERY outgoing".

I'm really on a fine wire with this math class and my life, I think I'm going to give it a few more tires and if I don't see a hit of light down the tunnel than I'm out! I really need to be selfish and live my life my way, do what makes me happy!

I saw this video this morning and it made me smile! A little cheesy.......but its true!

LIVE LIKE WE'RE DYING By Kris Allen from stephie montalvo on Vimeo.