It had been about a year sense I'd been to my therapist and as much as I was putting it off I know I needed to go back. Having day's where you don't want anyone talking to you or looking at you is not really good, and from all the boy drama that had happened to me, this was another good reason to go.
When she opened the door she looked like she lost weight, but not in a healthy way, I wondered right away if maybe she's sick, but I didn't want to ask.......I'm never sure if you can ask them questions so I don't. Anyways she said it was nice to see me, then asked what brought me in, I told her about the doctor visit, not wanting kids, bla bla bla, and then I started to cry. I hadn't cried in a while and it felt good to let that out, she asked me why did that bother me of what the doctor said and at first I didn't really know why, then I figured it out. Apart of me is upset with myself because as a women I feel I should be interested in having a child.....physically, but I cant, the idea of it scars the crap out of me. Then I talked about my "girl issues" and Messenger Boy. At the end of my session she always sums everything up (I like this part) and she said I have trust issues and anxiety, no surprise to me but it was nice to hear it from someone else. She gave me a little Dr. Phil tough love and said "relax" and the way she looked at me when she said it was like "not everyone is out to get you, and not everything is a big deal".
I'm going to see her next week, we are going to work on trust and anxiety, I don't know if these things in my life that have played such a heavy roll are going to be easy to over come, but I'm interested in working on it and I think that's a big start!
