I don’t know what moment in my life started this “issue” that I have with other women/girls/ladies/females…..whatever……but it’s an “issue” and I feel it’s gotten worse over the years!
My issue is, I have never really had a good, healthy, or normal female friendship, I would have to say all of the female friends that I have had in my life ended because they all turned on me or I just couldn’t put up with their bull shit anymore. But yet I freak out when I think they might be upset with me!
In preschool, I don’t remember her name, I just remember she had long brown hair and she was bossy, this girl was sooooooo bossy to me and I took it! When I was in 2nd grade this girl Ellen that I was friends with, one day she was my friend and then other day she wasn’t, and I put up with it!! Then there was Joy, I was her …..I don’t know……someone pathetic if anything!!! She had a sleep over for her birthday and the rule was whoever fell asleep first got a prank done to them, WELL me being the night owl that I am NOT, I fell asleep first and the prank that her and other girls did to me was go in my bag, take out my underwear and stick it in her freezer , I woke up at some point during the night and they all started to giggle, I asked what was going on and Joy told me I was the first one to fall asleep so they did something to me. When I asked what they did Joy went over to the freezer and opened it up and said take a look for myself, I walked over and saw my underwear and pulled them out, they all started to laugh, I just stood there, underwear in hand not understanding what was so funny. Joy also would make comments about what I wore, it was never “cool” enough and she thought it was gross that I didn’t shave my legs………I WAS IN THE 2ND GRADE!!! I should have said this earlier but Joy was 2yrs older than me, she had boobs, all the guys liked her and she was really popular. I don’t remember if she left the school or I stopped hanging around her but this new girl started to go to my school, Anna and she was a year younger than me but when we hanged out she ran the show. Anna was a little bit like Ellen, she would give me the cold shoulder from time to time and always thought she knew everything and I knew nothing! When she got mad at me, she wouldn’t look, or talk to me for however long she felt like it and she made sure I felt bad the whole time.
Outside of school when I would attend church with my family, I’ll never forget this…..this girl Noreen told her neighbors a lie about me and I knew these kids, and one Sunday as I was standing in line to receive communion they stood in the line next to me and they all looked me like I smelled like shit, I didn’t understand why until later when Noreen’s brother told me what was going on, then I told my mom she told me that she thinks Noreen’s father told her to hate me because one day my ant needed to drop something off at Noreen’s house and the only person who was home was her dad, and her dad is a slime ball, when my ant rang the door bell Noreen’s dad answered it only wearing a towel around his waist and he asked her if she would like to come in, my ant declined and I think he got upset and embarrassed, so to keep things hush hush my mother assumes that’s what her father did, told Noreen to hate me.
Then Krista, who I talked about before, when we would hang out, she would ignore me or make fun of me around the group of people we hung out with. But the worst of them all was Valerie!!
I met Valerie the summer I was about to enter 6th grade, my neighbor’s little boy went to school with Valerie’s little sister, my neighbor thought we should meet being that we had 4 things in common already, 1. We both just got a dog, 2. Our birthdays were a week apart, 3. We were both dyslexic and 4. We lived a block and half away from each other. We met up at Baskin Robins with our mom’s and got to know each other. I remember she had this attitude but I thought she was cool, she had an older sister as well and she would always talk about all the stuff her older sister would tell her. Valerie was always 2 steps ahead of me, when we both got into high school; it was all downhill from there. She would take me to Haight St. to find bum’s to buy her booze and try to find people who were selling weed. I smoked my first cigarette with her in her little sisters play house in the backyard, and I got drunk with her from sharing a jack and coke! She got involved with this 28 year old guy, and would ask me to lie to her parents if they called my house to say she was at my house but taking a shower when really she was sleeping at the dude’s house. She would make fun of me for asking “dumb” questions and one night when we were on the phone she said to me that this was going to be our last conversation because she didn’t feel like being friends with me because I never called her enough! But that didn’t last long, she sent me letters asking to be friends again and letting me know what she has been up to…….more bragging if anything. She would also always seem to call me around x-mass or her birthday knowing I would give her something, Valerie used me to the bone and I didn’t see it until 2years after I got out of high school!! Valerie got into some messy mental problems and her family set her to live in Organ, when she came back she contacted me (around her birthday) we hanged out for a bit but it fizzled fast, at that point I knew better and we were 2 very different people. She called my house one day and my brother answered it, I told him to tell her I wasn’t home and to take a message, I never called her back and I’m glad.
These girls are the ones that stuck out the most growing up; there are others, as you can see I think I have a really good excuse for having “girl issues” .I am a really good person, sister, daughter and FRIEND, and I find it sad that no matter how good of a female friend that I have at the time, deep deep down inside a part of me is wary, is she going to turn on me? Is she going to put drama in my life? Is she going to ignore me, or make fun of me just because? I hope not, because the ones that I have now, I really like.
I’m just walking through life trying not to step on any toes, but dam is it hard to have your own toes not to be stepped on!
