There have been 3 men in my life (I’m sure the number will go up over time) that have affected me somehow. My first would be the second guy I slept with when I started to become sexually active, the sex was awesome, not to mention he was so hot and the coolest guy I had ever met, so I thought at the time. With my young naïve thinking I didn’t know that we were only “fuck buddies” but over time I figured it out and at one point we had “the talk”, I was fine with this, at first, but then I wasn’t, I realized I liked this guy, AOLT (we did have a lot of things in common)! The romping came to an end and we both moved on, but removing the images and feelings from him was very hard to do, no other guy matched up, I’ll call him Music Man. But a year goes by and he contacts me wondering what I was up to and so forth, then asking if I wanted to hang out, I knew this was code word, and I was sooooooo down. Almost all of the feelings came back, until one night in the middle of having sex with him, I was looking into his eyes and this feeling came over me and I didn’t like him like I used to, I really just liked his image and his dick, there was no depth to this guy. I realized he had social problems and mommy issues and big finical problems. I lusted over what was not there, and what was never going to be there, and hoping and dreaming he would someday like me, when really he will never like me.
After Music Man there was this guy I never got to sleep with sadly but still hope like a teenage girl who dreams about getting a kiss from Zac Efron from High School Musical (I’m going to punish myself after this for knowing this info) I dream about having an uninterrupted moment with him, he will be called The Writer. The Writer and I shared a class together and something else that I wish to keep to myself, we had never met in person before until we started taking this class. Some mixed messages, more looks then words were exchanged and no matter how hard I tried to talk with him there was never the right moment and when I did finally say something to him, it came off a little mean What was so hot about The Writer………..he was smart, hot and some other shallow reasons, but they are my reasons! Anyways something happened and he could no longer continue attending the class, in a way it was kind of nice, it stopped the madness in my head, but I was going to miss checking him out every chance I got! There is that saying “the one that got away” I know that means “the one” and for sure The Writer was/is not “the one” but he was “the one” I couldn’t have and that bothers me, I am a girl who likes her cake and wants to eat it too, and I feel I was only allowed to have the cake with The Writer but wasn’t allowed to eat it. I still talk about him (when I’m dunk and high) and my friends laugh and roll their eyes, as they should, I know it’s a waist but dam it, I want to eat that cake!
I’m sure you can only guess my 3rd man…..Messenger Boy. Like I have said before this guy charmed me like no other guy had and I fell for it, well not all of, I had my guard up. Anyways, the more I think of the situation and realize why I’m still thinking about him is its more of the situation then him! He just stopped calling, it really would have been different if it was a one night stand but it wasn’t we hung out more than once, and from what I got was that the feeling was mutual of enjoying each other’s company, so why it stopped so out of blue really slipped the rug from under me! I have a big problem when things like that happen, it’s really important to me that I know what’s going on around me at all times and when things or situations slip from under me I feel cheated and taken. Even though he did tell me from the start he didn’t want a girl friend, it would have been nice if he threw out a vibe that the “fun times” were coming to an end.
Robyn knows how I feel.
