What I'm singing!

It was really cool for a while......

Well I got what I wished for, what I hoped for, what I prayed for but deep down inside never thought it was going to happen.....I got my math waiver! It really happened, I'm FUCKING DONE WITH SCHOOL!!! Everyone that I have told has said congratulations and are happy for me, and I was happy/emotional for myself, but I also have had mixed feelings too. Whenever I have ended up with someone that I really really really wanted but thought that I was never going to get or didn't deserve it, and then got it, I kind of don't want it anymore; what does that say about me?

My dreams always have something to do with feeling trapped or someone or something is chasing me. For almost half of my life with school I have felt trapped now I just feel trapped with life. It's been 4 weeks now I guess that I have been looking for a job, I know this is not even that long, but I'm really really worried. I really do believe no one will want to hire me, I also feel that one day My Guy is going to realize how much of a loser Girlfriend he has and say adiós........I wouldn't blame him! It's not like I haven't been trying, I have applied to a temp agency, I have called them 3 times, I have sent them my resume and cover letter I have even tried to set up an appointment with some guy named Keith! KEITH, YOU SUCK!!! I apply to CL everyday all day, I go to this Gov website that my uncle told me about, the only job that I seem to be qualified for is in Vallejo!! UGH!!!!!

As I was moping the entry way of my parents house I was thinking maybe I should go back to school..........I really have no idea what the fuck to do. All I do know is that I'm sad and lost!

Velvet Revolution and Math Revolution

I received an email yesterday letting me know that the committee who will be reviewing my request for a math waiver will be meeting next Wed, Nov 17th. When I told my parents and My Guy he kind of laughed because Nov 17th is the a big day in Slovakia being that its part of the Velvet Revolution. So please keep your fingers and toes crossed on Nov 17th, because if this doesn't happen for me, I'm not sure what my next move will be for me school wise!

This is for sure what I want!

I also have a huge crush on Charlotte Dellal and her sister Alice Dellal! I loved when I read that Charlotte wore leopard print shoes for her wedding, LOVE THIS IDEA!!! Anyways, I also like to share my latest girl crushes to you all :)





(I AM NOT GETTING MARRIED ANYTIME SOON!! But a girl can dream!)

Hot off my ears!

Your here, and more to come, I can't wait!!

Brand new!!

Play over and over again!

This is the original song:

His Friends

As much as I like My Guy's friends at the same time they bug me just a little bit, but not enough for me to never want to see them. I think what bugs me is that if it were up to them they would like to see him almost every weekend and to me thats a bit much! My Guy and I have talked about that him and I have very different relationships with our friends, and its true, his friends are more like family members to each other, they are really there for each other 1000%! I like the friends that I have in my life and I know they would help me out if I asked, but for sure the relationship is much different from My Guy's friends. I mean do I want to talk with my friends on the phone everyday and see them every weekend? I did when I was in high school and a little bit when I graduated from high school, its not like I wouldn't like to talk with them everyday on the phone or see them every weekend but I really like my alone time and my family time.

I also think friendships in San Francisco are odd, I have meet some people who have a bunch of close friends fallowed with a few groups they hang out with, and then I have meet some people who just have a few friends and thats it. When I got into my 20's I started out with no friends, then I made some "friends" then they left then I met my ex then he dumped me and then I was left with no friends again for a while and then over time I made some friends and only really 3 of them have really stuck around! My Guy's friends he has known for his whole life, most of them, and I wish I had that, I really do. I have always kind of considered myself of a loner, and over time I have been okay with that, but sometimes I wish I had what My Guy has, it must be a really cool feeling. But as I always say, "something is better then nothing" and I would for sure rather have 3 awesome people in my life then no one at all :)

The Fab Pandemonia!

To learn more about "her" go here Pandemonia Panacea, "she" is also on FB!