Show me love!

I think I have said that this city is small and officially last month it was confirmed! I went out on a date with this guy who's roommate just so happened to have gone on a few dates with my very good friend! I had no idea until my friend asked me where this guy lived and I told her and she said that this guy she just stopped talking with lived over that way and thought it would be funny if this guy's roommate was the guy she went out with a few times........well (lets call the guy I went out with Mr. Clean and his roommate SP). So Mr. Cleans roommate was the guy and when I found this out from a few texts exchanged back and forth that night of the date to my friend I wondered if Mr. Clean knew who I was? You see my friend showed SP one of her networking web sites and there are some pictures of me on there and I wonder at the end off all of this did I get set up? See I really like Mr. Clean, I was "love sick" for like a week and a few days, I couldn't sleep, or eat or even think straight, the night that we went out I ended up spending the night and we decided to not have sex......I thought I scored a gentlemen!Turned out not....he didn't call me the next day or even the fallowing weekend, but when the weekend came I realized that even if Mr. Clean did call and wanted to hang out that would make me look like a door mat, AND I AM NO BODIES DOOR MAT!!!

A week passed by and I felt I should try this online dating thing one more time (that's where I met Mr. Clean) and if nothing worked out I promised myself this would be it!!!! So I signed up and I gave myself 2 days, well on the 2nd day this guy sent me an email and from the pictures he seemed okay and the things he liked to do for fun seemed fine too, i sent him my email addy and told him he should email me being that I was going to cancel my account it needed to be done, 40 somethings where hitting me...GROSS) . I didn't here back from him for a few days, but I forgot about this guy like the moment I told him to email me........after the few days I get an email from him.....Surfer Guy. We exchanged emails back and forth, back and forth and finally we ended up talking on the phone......for like almost 2 hours!! We got together on Sunday night, the date went really well!! We eat at a sushi restaurant, the conversation was flowing, lots of laughs and smiles, then after dinner we decided to take a walk, but as I was driving back over to his place I had to go pee really bad so he said I could use his bathroom at his place; i thought that was harmless, NOT!!! Surfer Guy set me up!!! When I came out of the bathroom he said to come to his room for a second and he puts in this DVD and then I find I'm sitting on his bed and then after a few minutes I feel a hand brush up against mine and then THE KISS!! WHOA, I SO DID NOT SEE THAT COMING!!! I mean I knew he liked me, because there where a few complements given at dinner but I guess I just thought we/him was going to play it slow.......I guess not because we ended up having sex!!! It was cute though, before we did it I told him that I don't want to send the wrong message and he said "at the restaurant when you dropped your sushi and told me you saw nothing and I said I don't know what your talking about and then laughed I knew I wanted to see you again" then he added "I want to see you again either way if we do or we don't have sex tonight, I like you"!!!

When I told my friend she got worried about me that I might end up with a fuck buddy again but I don't think I will because fuck buddies don't want to have a laundry party.........he had tons of loads of laundry and asked if I would help him out, also I spent the night last night and at one point in the night he turned to me and said "I have I told you yet that I think your adorable?" FUCK BIDDIES DON'T SAY THAT............RIGHT?????

Over the weekend my friends and I went this kind of lame dance club and they played this song and then today when I was doing some arrens it played again and I think the lyrics define my love life! I really like Surfer Guy and I really hope he sticks around!!!!!

Friendemies

We all have them, that girl we used to be friends with and then pulled a fast one on you and you said "good bye" and just knowing if you saw her face walking down the street your heart would pound a mile a minute and the two things that would cross your mind would be 1. run and 2. I want to punch you in the face!

Last night I attended an unsuccessful drag show, the place was SO packed that my friend and I didn't get to see the show (it was fine with me I had a major headache and was stoned off my ass) as we were people watching my friend bumped into this guy from her home town, they chatted it up and when he left she tells me that he was the last person she EVER thought she would ever run into; I ask, is this a good thing or bad thing? She told me a while back she got sexually assaulted at a house party and the girls house who's party it was at, she was friends with this girl(this girl is the guy who she ran into her bother), and at some point during the party my friend was VERY drunk and she went to the bathroom with some guy, the guy aggressively manhandled her and bruises and blood was involved! When the guy saw the blood she ran and my friend was left drunk and unaware what the hell just happened. The girl who was throwing the party said it was all of my friends fault and later that week started to tell people she was a slut!! Even her very very close friends where questioning her and saying she was drunk and this is what happens when you get drunk!!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!! Its called having TRUE friends around you, who A. would NEVER let that happen to you or B. If it did, would NEVER question her sexual motives, all they should be thinking about is how they can catch the fucker and beat the crap out of him!!! So then she tells me how much she hates this girl and how she cant believe she's living in SF and she hopes to never run into her because she has been trying to move on from the past for so long.

I have never thought it was a good idea to forget the past, the past is what makes you who you are, if anything expect what has happened learn from it and move on, not forget it, just move on! But if this is the way my friend needs to do so be it.

As far as I know my friendemie still lives a block and half away from my house and I have seen her on the bus a few times. I freak out and put my head down or look the other way, I hate this girl SO much, she was I think the worst friends I have ever had! She used me, she put drama in my life and would make fun of me all the time!! I learned alot from her, how to be a GOOD friend, but I also sometimes wish I NEVER met her, and if I ever got a chance to exchange some words with her.........lets just say some words might not be the only thing being exchanged!!

I find it funny though, the hate someone can make you have over them, what drives you to it? Like I know why I hate this girl and my friend knows why she hates that girl but WHY?? Maybe for her, she knew she wasn't a slut and was so hurt that this lie was passed around with her peers? For me, maybe its because I know how nice of a friend I am and this girl used me like a door mat.....I don't know. I do know this, I only want one friendemies, because any more than that, I really might need to move!!

May Favorites!

Everyone please meet Kate Lanphear!







Kate is the style editor for US Elle magazine,she wears my favorite colors;black, gray and white. Her style is goth/rocker sheik and I cant get enough of her or her style, the Olsen twins might have to take second seat, I think Kate has moved to front row of who's closet I would love to raid! She keeps is simple in a way, but eye catching and that's something that I always try to fallow when I dress, plus how wrong can you go with black?

Desperate To Connect

Gotye- Hearts A Mess from Gotye on Vimeo.

Thats what I'm looking for....to connect!!!

What am I looking for?

I feel like I keep looking for something that maybe i'm not meant to have yet, and is this is true then a nice big sign should wave infront of my face please!

Love Bug

You know when you have the Love Bug when you cant eat or sleep, and I haven't had a whole meal and a full 8 hours of sleep for about 2 1/2 days! Oh Cupid, you hit me hard this time you little shit!!

Live in Life

Today I went over to one of my guy friends house for him to fix my computer; it got a nasty little cold, its feeling much better now! Anyways, as he was talking with me about computers and using term I had/have no idea what they mean, I kind of started to get a little worried about myself. Like, I know I know very little about computers, and I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world but at the same time I was thinking about all the people I know and almost all of them knows way more than me……….even my mom, and this is the women who doesn’t know how to start the DVD player!!

I feel I’m in trouble! I feel I know nothing of the things that I should know! Who’s stopping me…..myself! I hate to fail, it really really bothers me, so the things I’m not good at, I stay far far away from, I guess like anyone else? I have also been thinking about are my goals achievable? Have I set them too high, even though they are very simple? I’ll be turning 26 this summer and what have I done with my life? Not much, but at the same time in order to function in life I have to take one step at a time, because in general, life is really overwhelming for me! I guess I should chill out and just live in life the best way you can, and try to understand it the best way you can.

Woe is me....

Something doesn’t feel right in the air and I’m a little scared about what the outcome is going to be like. The worry side says “it’s going to be really bad”, it also says “maybe its done already” and then my calm side says “this is just a phase, you can’t ride the high horse forever”. What would I be losing? I think that’s what I’m scared of…….it’s so easy to forget that I could get it all back again…….it would take a little while and maybe the replacement would be even better? My heart is very lonely and my ego is very fragile, I don’t remember the last time I felt awesome, or appreciated.

April Favorites!

Lets start things off by wishing everyone a Happy 420!!


This stuff ROCKS!! I dont like sunscreen, but I know it helps the aging prosess so I use it everyday. But the reason why I dont like suncreen is because I have oily skin and most suncreens make my skin feel even more oily but not Clear Zinc!! It drys so fast on your skin, its not oily at all AND having zinc in your suncreen IS REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!!


I LOVE this guy, Daniel Egneus!! I baught a T-shirt from him at H&M and his web site was on the tag, I went to check it out and fell in love with all of his work, I even had to email him letting him know I baught one of his shirts and I loved his work, he replayed back saying tons of "thank you's", very sweet man!! Also the picture that I have on my blog is his work.


And the best for last, Valley Girl!!! I rented this movie last month and I feel in love with it, is it weird that I'm still thinking about this movie??

Luck Was Not On My Side

This week was no good, on Tuesday I went to the doctors because.........this is SO embarrassing but I think I need to say it being that when I told my friends they never knew this could happen, I got a yest infection in my bee-hind :( It's much different from a vaginal yeast infection, its just itchy, but still annoying! Then to top it off on Friday I hit a car........no one was hurt, I just hit this couple's back bumper, and if anything my car suffered most of the damage. It was my first accident and after the couple and I exchanged info I drove to find a quiet place to park so I could ball my eyes out on the phone to my Mom. I knew my parents weren't going to be mad at me (I'm the do gooder in their eyes) but I was really upset with myself and really embarrassed. Then to make things even better I upset my brother unknowingly who than latter told me he didn't want to talk with me for a while,this news made me cry, I cried the most this week then I had in a while. I almost fell down the stairs last night, came very close to hitting my head! I strongly feel someone has a voodoo doll of me and they are just having lots of fun with it!!

I'm sure this is just all bad luck but apart of me feels I must have said or done something very wrong for all of these to happen to me.