Friendemies

We all have them, that girl we used to be friends with and then pulled a fast one on you and you said "good bye" and just knowing if you saw her face walking down the street your heart would pound a mile a minute and the two things that would cross your mind would be 1. run and 2. I want to punch you in the face!

Last night I attended an unsuccessful drag show, the place was SO packed that my friend and I didn't get to see the show (it was fine with me I had a major headache and was stoned off my ass) as we were people watching my friend bumped into this guy from her home town, they chatted it up and when he left she tells me that he was the last person she EVER thought she would ever run into; I ask, is this a good thing or bad thing? She told me a while back she got sexually assaulted at a house party and the girls house who's party it was at, she was friends with this girl(this girl is the guy who she ran into her bother), and at some point during the party my friend was VERY drunk and she went to the bathroom with some guy, the guy aggressively manhandled her and bruises and blood was involved! When the guy saw the blood she ran and my friend was left drunk and unaware what the hell just happened. The girl who was throwing the party said it was all of my friends fault and later that week started to tell people she was a slut!! Even her very very close friends where questioning her and saying she was drunk and this is what happens when you get drunk!!! I DON'T THINK SO!!!! Its called having TRUE friends around you, who A. would NEVER let that happen to you or B. If it did, would NEVER question her sexual motives, all they should be thinking about is how they can catch the fucker and beat the crap out of him!!! So then she tells me how much she hates this girl and how she cant believe she's living in SF and she hopes to never run into her because she has been trying to move on from the past for so long.

I have never thought it was a good idea to forget the past, the past is what makes you who you are, if anything expect what has happened learn from it and move on, not forget it, just move on! But if this is the way my friend needs to do so be it.

As far as I know my friendemie still lives a block and half away from my house and I have seen her on the bus a few times. I freak out and put my head down or look the other way, I hate this girl SO much, she was I think the worst friends I have ever had! She used me, she put drama in my life and would make fun of me all the time!! I learned alot from her, how to be a GOOD friend, but I also sometimes wish I NEVER met her, and if I ever got a chance to exchange some words with her.........lets just say some words might not be the only thing being exchanged!!

I find it funny though, the hate someone can make you have over them, what drives you to it? Like I know why I hate this girl and my friend knows why she hates that girl but WHY?? Maybe for her, she knew she wasn't a slut and was so hurt that this lie was passed around with her peers? For me, maybe its because I know how nice of a friend I am and this girl used me like a door mat.....I don't know. I do know this, I only want one friendemies, because any more than that, I really might need to move!!

May Favorites!

Everyone please meet Kate Lanphear!







Kate is the style editor for US Elle magazine,she wears my favorite colors;black, gray and white. Her style is goth/rocker sheik and I cant get enough of her or her style, the Olsen twins might have to take second seat, I think Kate has moved to front row of who's closet I would love to raid! She keeps is simple in a way, but eye catching and that's something that I always try to fallow when I dress, plus how wrong can you go with black?

Desperate To Connect

Gotye- Hearts A Mess from Gotye on Vimeo.

Thats what I'm looking for....to connect!!!

What am I looking for?

I feel like I keep looking for something that maybe i'm not meant to have yet, and is this is true then a nice big sign should wave infront of my face please!

Love Bug

You know when you have the Love Bug when you cant eat or sleep, and I haven't had a whole meal and a full 8 hours of sleep for about 2 1/2 days! Oh Cupid, you hit me hard this time you little shit!!

Live in Life

Today I went over to one of my guy friends house for him to fix my computer; it got a nasty little cold, its feeling much better now! Anyways, as he was talking with me about computers and using term I had/have no idea what they mean, I kind of started to get a little worried about myself. Like, I know I know very little about computers, and I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world but at the same time I was thinking about all the people I know and almost all of them knows way more than me……….even my mom, and this is the women who doesn’t know how to start the DVD player!!

I feel I’m in trouble! I feel I know nothing of the things that I should know! Who’s stopping me…..myself! I hate to fail, it really really bothers me, so the things I’m not good at, I stay far far away from, I guess like anyone else? I have also been thinking about are my goals achievable? Have I set them too high, even though they are very simple? I’ll be turning 26 this summer and what have I done with my life? Not much, but at the same time in order to function in life I have to take one step at a time, because in general, life is really overwhelming for me! I guess I should chill out and just live in life the best way you can, and try to understand it the best way you can.

Woe is me....

Something doesn’t feel right in the air and I’m a little scared about what the outcome is going to be like. The worry side says “it’s going to be really bad”, it also says “maybe its done already” and then my calm side says “this is just a phase, you can’t ride the high horse forever”. What would I be losing? I think that’s what I’m scared of…….it’s so easy to forget that I could get it all back again…….it would take a little while and maybe the replacement would be even better? My heart is very lonely and my ego is very fragile, I don’t remember the last time I felt awesome, or appreciated.

April Favorites!

Lets start things off by wishing everyone a Happy 420!!


This stuff ROCKS!! I dont like sunscreen, but I know it helps the aging prosess so I use it everyday. But the reason why I dont like suncreen is because I have oily skin and most suncreens make my skin feel even more oily but not Clear Zinc!! It drys so fast on your skin, its not oily at all AND having zinc in your suncreen IS REALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!!


I LOVE this guy, Daniel Egneus!! I baught a T-shirt from him at H&M and his web site was on the tag, I went to check it out and fell in love with all of his work, I even had to email him letting him know I baught one of his shirts and I loved his work, he replayed back saying tons of "thank you's", very sweet man!! Also the picture that I have on my blog is his work.


And the best for last, Valley Girl!!! I rented this movie last month and I feel in love with it, is it weird that I'm still thinking about this movie??

Luck Was Not On My Side

This week was no good, on Tuesday I went to the doctors because.........this is SO embarrassing but I think I need to say it being that when I told my friends they never knew this could happen, I got a yest infection in my bee-hind :( It's much different from a vaginal yeast infection, its just itchy, but still annoying! Then to top it off on Friday I hit a car........no one was hurt, I just hit this couple's back bumper, and if anything my car suffered most of the damage. It was my first accident and after the couple and I exchanged info I drove to find a quiet place to park so I could ball my eyes out on the phone to my Mom. I knew my parents weren't going to be mad at me (I'm the do gooder in their eyes) but I was really upset with myself and really embarrassed. Then to make things even better I upset my brother unknowingly who than latter told me he didn't want to talk with me for a while,this news made me cry, I cried the most this week then I had in a while. I almost fell down the stairs last night, came very close to hitting my head! I strongly feel someone has a voodoo doll of me and they are just having lots of fun with it!!

I'm sure this is just all bad luck but apart of me feels I must have said or done something very wrong for all of these to happen to me.

My I just say..........

I feel like switching to another life style, wondering will it make things any different, because the one I'm living now..........kind of SUCKS!!!!!!!! I cant express to many things, because people are going to get the wrong idea......its all bottled up, and the more I stare at that bottle the closer it is ready to pop!!! I want a quiet space of my own, some place clean and organized, the sun always shines in my room, I have a beautiful tree to look at while i sip my tea and a stack full of movies I've always wanted to watch, along side a nice comfy couch with a big cozy blanket. No one knows me, no one asks, no one cares.........how long would this go for before I would get really lonely?

None of this makes sense. I need a place to scream, that's it, I need a place to scream.