Sometimes I feel that I'm not entitled to things in life like everyone else is, and when do find myself having or experiencing something that most people do have I feel I don't really deserve it. I have met this extremely nice man, who makes me smile and laugh all the time, who also makes me feel calm, but I'm doubting I deserve him in my life. He has been very honest with me the whole time and I have been too.....well kind of. I really like him, like really really like him.....a like so strong and its very close to love! And my heart is growing stronger and stronger by the minute for this guy and I'm scared that he's not going to give me what I want. It is still early and I have asked him at some point down the road will we be more than friends, maybe it was a bad idea to ask but I said I didn't want to get my heart deep into something that I thought was going one way when really it was going the other way. He said I am very special to him and he likes me a lot and he wants to see me everyday if he could and he is looking forward to the future with me. This was all nice but not what I really wanted to hear, I give this 2 more months and if I'm not more than a friend then its time to say good bye.
I have so much love to give and I cant give it if I'm not going to get it back the way I should be getting it. There is friend love and then there is the love you have for your boyfriend or husband the two are somewhat different.
The feelings that have developed are feelings that I have not had for a very long time, its nice to feel them again, I thought they were a dream I once had, but no, they were real at one time and they came back!
Times like these I fight with myself in thinking not getting involved with someone might be better for me, being alone maybe is better.
I have doubts.
