I've never had a large fan base, its never been important to me, its also never been important to me if people like me or not; but I have never gone out of my way to be a bitch to people. I think I'm like a bee, I'm just here in life trying to get some pollen and go back to my hive to do it all over again tomorrow, but if you get in my way I'll fuck you up!
To be honest I've never physically fucked anyone up, if anything, if I don't like the way things are going my #1 go to, is to just leave, drop out, say good bye, unless words NEED to be said I'm not someone who will shy away from the opportunity (but I don't like doing it, I'm a lover not a fighter).
This brings me to my point? I for sure have a prudish and shallow side to me, there is no denying it!! If I find you boring I don't want to talk with you, if your outfit is so wrong I couldn't even be close to right I don't want to talk with you, not nice right? I KNOW!!!! Who do I think I am? I'm "no one", I question this motive, who planted this in my head? The only thing I can think of is back in 4th grade when I wanted to hang out with these 2 girls who where the "cool" girls in school because they always had the latest cloths and that drew me to them. One day I was fallowing them around like a puppy dog and one of the girls said to me to stop fallowing them because my cloths weren't cool enough. I remember just standing there as they walked away laughing, I looked down at my cloths and didn't understand what was wrong with my cloths, I think from then on I have been insecure on how I look and others around me. But to put a positive twist to it I love helping people out in picking out cloths, I LOVE IT!!!! That's being nice right? I think what this is really all about is that I posted an invite for my birthday and yes it's only been not even 24hours yet but no one has said "attending" and I think this says something about who I am and about who the people are in my life as well! As of lately I have been questing that. Yesterday I was on the phone with one of my friends and she told me some gossip about what happened to her husband and our friend and she said she doesn't know how they can still be friends after it all, I agreed! Then we started to talk about how we could never understand people who have tons of people in there life and they are all your "real" friends, we disagreed on this. When I was with my ex I remember asking him one day "you have so many friends, like SO MANY, are they all your REAL friends?" he didn't answer me right away I could tell he was thinking about this and then he turned to me and said "you know I never thought about that". I'm sorry WTF!!! Maybe there are people in this world who like to have tons of people in there life and then maybe there people who are like me who are fine in having like 3 people in her life. How can all those people be great people? Nice people? They cant, its impossible!!! Their are very few good, nice, honest and loyal people in this world, and I will never understand how having so many people in your life is awesome.
I'll keep you posted about my "party"!
