I get really paranoid sometimes about the most silly stuff, but maybe we all do? But sometimes i feel i take it to the next level, like i think beyond the issue and what could happen next or what the outcome could be, how's its going to effect myself and others in my life, i get to the point where i make myself go crazy i feel like. My biggest fears would be getting pregnant, getting an STD or worse HIV. If i got knocked up from some random dude, hands down abort would take place ASAP. If I got an STD, i would hope it would be one that is curable, but then i think what if i caught the one that wasn't? Like HPV/genital warts, I got the HPV shots last year (they really really hurt by the way) but i know it only covers so much, there are still other HPV various that the shot doesn't cover, and if i had a break out.....I think i would become very depressed, it doesn't take much, when it comes to my body I'm very sensitive. And how would i handle if i got HIV? For sure the same thing would happen but i think worse, I wouldn't blame my family if they had to send me to a mental institution. Am I a big baby for thinking these things? Lots of people say your teens are hard, but i disagree, i think your 20's are hard. I have 10yrs to figure out what the hell i want to do with the rest of my life, I have to "grow up" and act like an adult, make adult choices. Maybe i have been babied too much in my up bringing, i wouldn't disagree if someone said they thought so, but its so scary to have to do things and make big life altering choices in your life on your own. I think about one of my good friends sometimes who has to make choices alot on her own and who doesn't have the luxury to call her family for help or advice, i think about how does she do it? She is so much stronger then me and i hope be that someday, i really do. Although I hope if she ever needed anything I would be there in a heart beat to hold her hand.
Life is scary, and i feel it officially got scary when i started to have sex and got into my 20's, and I know that this is only the icing on the cake! If only we could all have a little person that fit in our pocket and we would take him or her out for words of encouragement or to just lend an ear.
