I'm really hoping that November will be a little bit better! So far its just whatever. My Halloween was pathetic, but it could have been more pathetic I guess if I had just stayed home, that was almost going to happen! I called my friends up last minute and they let me tag along to 2 parties they were going to. The first one was nice/okay it was over in SOMA, I dressed up as a blond witch, a sexy blond witch!! But as usual I was the only single person at this party and felt the youngest!! The next party was really sad, a part of me is slapping my other part of me for feeling depressed!! We arrive to this guys place and it was only him and 2 other guys....the guy is kind of handicapped and apparently he sent out a mass email to LOTS of people and almost no one showed up!! I felt sorry for the guy, he seemed nice, but also seemed he tried too hard to be "cool". There was a movie playing called Society it was just finishing up, this movie I think was the most bazaar and gross movie I have ever seen, it wasn't even scary it was just weird!!
As I cam out of the shower this morning I was thinking I get really selfish when I'm depressed, and bitter, very very bitter. In general I don't see myself as a cherry person but I don't think I'm a downer, I guess I'm in the middle? I'm not happy with so many thing right now, and its really frustrating because there is not much I can do about it. Like I said this other part of me is slapping myself in the face because I know I have it better than that guy I saw last night, I know I do but its hard to really know it when your in a rut. I've also been wondering do people really want to be my friend, or do they just feel sorry for me? I never want anyone to feel sorry for me.....only about school, I don't need pity, I would rather have you not be my friend than be my friend because you feel sorry for me! I have no desire to do anything, today I was thinking about going to Dolores Park and do some HW, but I changed my mind because I knew I would have to get all cute, but if I just sat out in my backyard I could be a bum!!
