Should be happy......but I'm not.

I'm taking sewing lessons and the first thing I made was a cover for the sewing machine, its nothing worth bragging about! Anyways, as I was waiting for the teacher to come over I went to check my phone in my room and I see there was a voice mail, I check to see who called before checking the message and the one person who I thought I would have never hear from EVER again called me......Messenger Boy!!!! The message went something like this,"Hey it's "Messenger Boy" haven't talked with you in a while, just seeing whats up, when you get a chance call me back", ugh, I felt sick to my stomach!! Thank God I was going to be doing something in the next few minutes that was going to make me think of other things for a few hours......and the sewing did!! After my lesson was done I called my friend and told her she couldn't believe it as well, and I told her that I kind of wanted to call him and let him know in a nice way that he cant call me anymore, she thought it was a good idea. i wait for a little bit to think of what I going to say and then I call, he picks up said he was in the middle of buying a bong (I REALLY KNOW HOW TO PICK THEM!!!) and said he would call me right back. Calls me with in a minute and I tell him that I don't think its a good idea that we hang out because I think when we did hang out you were not always honest with me and I have trust issues, and then he said, yea I think I'm not the guy for you and then I had no idea what to say so I started to mumble/ramble and he just hanged up on me! Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, why the fuck do I feel like shit?? The other night some guy at the bar I was at with friends was flinging the cardboard coasters across the room and one of them hit me, I turned to him and said "Your an ass whole" I don't feel bad about that at all!! So why do I feel like shit about this?? I'm sure that answer is, because at one time I liked him, and even if someone has treated me bad I still don't like to "break the bad news" them, it makes me feel shitty. This is something I really need to over come!

Anyways, I made this really awesome bag and I wish I could be really happy about it but I'm just not..........maybe tomorrow I will be?


(Black canvas with stone color pleather)